Counting My Blessings

Well, I have survived the week so far. God did an amazing thing in my heart today. For some reason, everything I looked at or experienced, I counted a blessing. Now for someone who has felt stuck in a rut lately, wondering why everything goes wrong at once and what plans God has for life's challenges, this was a great accomplishment!

Last night we had horrific storms here in Charlotte, with clapping thunder and booming lightning. Huge trees were cut in half and fallend down in my neighborhood, just missing beautiful homes. But my house and my family were safe this morning, and I awoke to a beautiful ray of sunshine across my bed.

I had a house full of five kids this morning, between my 3 and my sister's 2 children. For some, that could sound like a nightmare, but I awoke to the sounds of laughter and playing. I was blessed to be able to provide a happy home for my kids, but also for my neice and nephew to stay while their mom was in the hospital.

I went jogging this morning in the beautiful warm sunshine, and thanked God for my health.

I had to take my daughter to the orthodontist because she lost her top retainer, which costs $120.00 to replace, but I was thankful I could afford to pay for it.

I drove up to visit my sister in the hospital, but was blessed by being the person who was able to brighten her day by bringing her children there to spend time with her. My spirits were lifted as we laughed and talked, and I realized that she was feeling a little better today.

I went to the doctor with my husband about his injured hand, and was reassured by the doctor that after four to six weeks, he should have full mobility of his hand again. He was bummed he can't play golf for a while, but I can live with that (smiles). I thanked God for the wonderful husband that He gave me and that his injury was no worse than it was.

I drove to church this evening in a raging wind, rain, lighting, and hail storm, to help out with a special children's program that my friend and fellow speaker (Van Walton) happened to be doing at our church. I was blessed by the smiles of the children and how Van touched their hearts with her special story of her dog Air and how Christ calls us all into His presence.

And last but not least, I was immensely blessed by the dozens and dozens of comments and emails from so many of you, letting me know that you were praying for me, my family, and all of my P31 sisters. I felt those prayers - thank you so much! I can't wait to meet many of you at She Speaks next week, and I know that the weekend will be so packed full of blessings, that my cup will be overflowing! I can hardly wait!


P.S. Winner!! The winner of my book Reinventing Your Rainbow is Kim Tifton, from Georgia! Congratulations Kim!

When It Rains It Pours

Well, it seems that old saying is right sometimes. It always seem that a lot of "stuff" happens all at once, and it can become overwhelming.

I've been worried sick about my sister recently. She has had a progressive form of Multiple Schlerosis for about ten years, and struggles with her disease on a daily basis. Unfortunately, MS causes certain things not to work correctly within the body, as it damages nerve tissues around the organs. My sweet little sister, Christie, had to have intestinal surgery two weeks ago, and things are not healing up as planned. Even though she spent part of the weekend in the emergency room, she had to be rushed back to the hospital today for fear of a serious infection, and was admitted again. Her doctor has scheduled lots of test, and we should know something more tomorrow about the next course of action.

My sister has two children, ages 8 and 9, and my mom and I have been helping take care of them, in addition to helping care for Christie. But my sweet, selfless, giving mother, has now come down with a terrible cold - in June no less! She is still going full speed ahead as care giver and best grandmommy in the world, but bless her heart, she is worn out - physically and emotionally, because it is so hard to see someone you love suffer. She also has the weight of the world on her shoulders, as she continues to look for a job to support herself. She is single, and lost her job last week.

In addition, we had another hospital incident this morning. My husband incurred an injury at work, a serious laceration on his left hand, which sliced open a large gash across the top of his hand and severed some tendons. The doctors temporarily stitched up the wound pending surgery, and as of today he is scheduled for hand surgery on Wednesday to repair his hand. It will take at least six weeks for him to gain use of his hand again.

To make matters worse, Michael was scheduled to go on a week long mission trip, called World Changers, with Morgan, scheduled to leave this weekend. It is a very labor intensive trip, repairing homes, roofing, painting, etc., for people in need. He won't be doing much labor as a result of this, but he still wants to go and supervise a work crew of kids, if the pain is not too bad, especially since the youth minister unexpectedly can't go either, because his wife is having emergency surgery this week, leaving only a handful of chaperones to take 35 youth to Virginia for an extensive work trip for seven days.

Whew. The enemy is at work.

I caught myself questioning God's plans today. I don't understand why my husband would get hurt like this, right before he was going to serve needy people and share God's love with them. I don't understand why my mom lost her job, when she works so hard and endlessly gives all she can give to those she loves. I don't understand why my sister has to suffer. I want God to heal her disease, to ease her suffering, to minimize her pain. I want Him to make her well. I want her to be able to the mommy and wife that she so longs to be. I want her to be happy again.

This past weekend I had a wonderful weekend in the mountains of Virginia, speaking to a Godly group of sweet women. As God would have it, I spoke about the stressors of life and how He desires that we handle them with faith. I spoke about how God uses our painful experiences, challenges in life, daily struggles, and even sickness, to draw us closer to Him. I spoke about how important it is to see God at work, and believe with all our heart that He has a plan and purpose for everything. What was the name of my first topic? From Panic To Prayer. But despite that, I got panicked today, about my sister, my husband, my mom. I got sucked into the problems, and forgot to focus on the promises. I asked for God's forgiveness, for my lack of faith, and for my doubts about what He had planned. I know it is not my place to understand His ways, but it is my job to remember how much He loves my sister, my mom, my husband, and me. His ways are not our ways.

Jeremiah 29:11 has been my life's theme verse for years,"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you; plans for a future and a hope." I have seen God work miracles in my life. I have seen Him use tragedies to His glory. I do trust Him and believe the promise in this verse. I just needed to remind myself of that today. I had to stop panicking, and start praying.

God's Word reminded me today to focus on His promises; to focus on Jeremiah 29:11; to live out His truths that I shared to my sisters in Christ over the weekend, even when they are easier to say than do. I believe that He sees my loved ones. I believe He sheds a tear for their suffering. I believe that He can use it for good, somehow, someday. It is still hard. But I do believe.

It Is Well

I heard His voice loud and clear. Yes, God's voice. I was sitting in the sanctuary many years ago, among multiple other women who were attending the ladies seminar at church that morning, and I heard God's voice so loud and clear, that I looked around to see if anyone else had heard it. Since I didn't see any commotion, and no other women were appearing confused, dismayed or frantically gazing upwards with a look of "who said that?" on their face, I determined that I was, indeed, the only one who had heard it.

What did God say, you ask? He simply said, "Tracie, Go... and share your story". Did I say, "sure God! When can I start?!" Nope. I quickly and adamantly said "No God. Forget It". In fact I got into a bit of an argument with God in my head, assuring Him that I could understand His mistake of thinking that I would actually share anything spiritual or private with anyone, much less my most private experiences in life. But of course, God does not make mistakes, and did not make a mistake here. He simply knew my future before I did.

That was about eight years ago, and every year about this time, I am reminded of that day, and the miraculous things He has done in my life since then. A few years after hearing God's voice, in June 2005, I finally took a little step of faith, and attended the Proverbs 31 Annual She Speaks Conference, which is an amazing three day conference that equips women to speak and write for God's kingdom. I had no idea why I was there or what God had planned for me, but it turned out to be a life changing, heart altering, experience. As a result, every June, I am reminded of this memorable day - the day when I truly knew it was well with my soul.

For years I had hidden deep hurts down in my heart, and had allowed the enemy to keep me in a constant state of belief that God could never forgive me or love me. But after spending 48 hours in the midst of God's presence at She Speaks, all that changed. After a powerful worship session, I walked up to a big wooden cross, with tears pouring down my face, and nailed a little notecard to that cross with a hammer.

On that notecard I had written the key to my self-condemnation; the sin that I had committed; the burden I had carried around my neck for years; the reason I believed that God could not love me. I covered it with my hand, so no one behind me could read my secret. But when I secured it to the cross, and heard the pounding sound of the hammer into the wood, I immediately felt like I was in the presence of angels.....and a miracle occurred - the pain and the shame instantly left my heart.

I had kneeled at the foot of that cross as a broken woman, but stood up with a new perspective about who God was, and who I was in His eyes. For the first time in many years, the pain was gone, the shame was gone, and the shackles crashed to the floor. I turned and walked away a new person - a cleansed and forgiven person - with a renewed internal presence of the Holy Spirit in my heart. I accepted God's forgiveness with all my heart, and for the first time ever, I was able to forgive myself. Suddenly a peace washed over my soul that I will never forget. I left my burdens on that cross, and walked away in freedom.

In that fragile moment of redemption, I heard God's voice again. He gently said, "it is now well with your soul". My heart skipped a beat, and I felt short of breath for a second. God had spoken once again, and I had felt His words in my heart.

The Monday after that conference, I resigned from my corporate position, and began a new life with a new boss - God himself. Since then, God has done unbelievable things ... things which I would have never dreamed of, much less believed were possible. For I'm just little 'ol me, but I know now, that my God is a big and powerful God.

If you are registered for this year's She Speaks Conference, I can't wait to meet you! The P31 speaker team is praying for God to open your heart and make His path known to you. He has called you for a purpose, and you are in for a great awakening of clarity and spiritual renewal. If you are not registered, consider attending next year!

But either way, I know God has done something amazing in your life that will encourage others. So.......Do you have a miracle to share? Have you ever had that ah-hah moment, when you suddenly knew that all was well with your soul? Have you ever heard God's voice so clearly about something, that you could not deny it was Him?

I'd love to hear about it! I know everyone who reads this blog will be blessed by hearing of some of the amazing things God is still doing in the lives of His children.

As a little motivator, post your brief story on my blog, and you will be entered into a drawing to win a free signed copy of my book, Reinventing Your Rainbow (please be sure not to comment as "anonymous" if you would like to be entered into the drawing).

If you prefer to go ahead and purchase a copy of the book, and read my whole story of how I discovered God's will, and be reassured that He can use all things to His glory, click below to be directed to the Proverbs 31 shopping website.

http://shopp31.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=151

Or, if you are attending She Speaks, you can purchase the book at our resources tables.

I can't wait to hear from you! Have a blessed week!

All Grown Up

I still can't believe it. My baby girl went to her first semi-formal dance last night. She was so beautiful! Even though I see her every day, for some reason she just looked all grown up in her fancy dress and heels. (sniff sniff)




Morgan's friend Maggie, came over to get ready with her.

Morgan was horrified that I went in and took some pictures, but I just had to see the banquet room and check out all the other kids! Here is one last picture I took before she scooted me out the door.

Even though it was over 14 years ago, I still remember the day she was born. I gazed into her tiny sweet face with tears in my eyes, in utter disbelief that God had blessed me with such a perfect, beautiful little angel.

For many years, I was convinced that I could never have a child, but those fears vanished, and my dream for a family came true. God used the birth of this precious baby to reassure me that He loved me despite sins in my past. If you are interested in reading my testimony and how God has worked miracles in my life, you can purchase a copy of my book Reinventing Your Rainbow, available on the Proverbs 31 website. Click below to be directed to the resources page.

http://shopp31.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=151

Swimsuits Are For The Fishes

We have all heard the phrase that things are "for the birds" (for example, dieting is for the birds). But I've coined a new phrase of my own - swimsuits are for the fishes! I mean really, the swimsuits that are in stores today are not made for real people. If you want to get your mind off of your problems, just go bathing suit shopping, and soon you will be so depressed about your body image that you forget everything else!

Last week I determined that since summer was here, that I had to give in and try to find a new bathing suit. I headed to the mall with a good attitude and browsed through all the colorful suits hanging on dozens of racks. I filled up my arms with lots of choices and marched towards the dressing room. About 37 bathing suits later, I left the dressing room with a pout on my face and headed to the next store. After trying at least 25 more bathing suits in that store, I succumbed to defeat, and went home.

Why is it that apparel companies think everyone in America weighs 100 pounds or less, and that we all want our swimsuit bottoms to sit lower on our pelvis than normal underwear? Seriously, it's inappropriate for even tiny waisted teenagers to wear these swimsuits, and certainly not appropriate for grown women! Can't they find a happy medium between itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polkadot-bikinis and "granny" swim suits? Does the apparel industry understand that grown women want to be covered up, but not so much that we look like we are a throwback from a Doris Day movie?

Oh well - I guess I can't change the industry, but I can complain! A few days later, I did find a few swimsuits that I could live with (as long as I didn't look at them in the three-way mirror). But as I thought about my pursuit for the perfect swimsuit that would fit me perfectly and hide all of my flaws, I remembered something important. We can't always change things about ourselves that we don't like, but we can like ourselves for who we are and how God made us.

Now if there are things we can do to improve our image and self esteem, such as eating healthier, lose a few pounds for health's sake, or change that bright orange nail polish to a summer pink, then by means, do it! But if there are things we can't change, then we need to make a conscious choice to love ourselves no matter what we look like in a swimsuit. If you are like me, I would prefer to focus on having fun and spending time with my kids at the pool or the beach, instead of obsessing over what everyone might be looking at that I refused to look at in the three-way mirror!

Two great truths I came across in God's Word about self-image came to mind:

1) Galatians 6:4 Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life in mind.(The Message)

- in simple terms - worry about what we are doing for God, and not what the mirror is doing for us! Whether or not the mirror is our friend is beside the point - God does not want us to compare ourselves to others, or beat ourselves up for our flaws.

2) 1 Samuel 16:7 - "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (NIV)

- God is not worried about what we look out on the outside, He only cares about the inside! Let's spend our time trying to dress up our hearts, instead of just our bodies.

I am still sticking to the fact that swimsuits are for the fishes, but nonetheless, I plan on enjoying some sun in the fun with my family and friends this summer, and try not to let my mind be overtaken by self defeating thoughts. God loves me as I am, and that is enough for me! God loves you just as you are, and that should be enough too!

Celebration of Marriage

Yesterday was a wonderful day. My husband and I celebrated 18 years of marriage. I am sure that makes me officially old, even though I do not feel old. I guess the fact that my oldest daughter is 14 years old, could attribute to my oldness, but I still feel about 25!

We had a fabulous anniversary day together, as we lounged by the pool all day, soaked in the sun, and watched the kids play in the water. I know that doesn't sound very romantic, but in my opinion, it was the best day ever. Enjoying the beautiful outdoors with my main squeeze, spending time with the kids, and cooking out delicious steaks that evening, is more than I could ask for. My husband topped off the day by saying, "he would rather be hanging out with his family than anywhere else", and these were sweet words to my ears. What more could a girl want than a loving husband, great provider, and super dad who loves his family?! Now don't get me wrong, I'll go for a romantic evening of candles, good food and private conversation any day- but you can't beat the love felt when spending time with family.

In years past, there were times when we struggled, and we still have our moments like any married couple, but God has blessed our relationship and I am so thankful. I remember a day years ago, when we were experiencing some rough times. The stress of jobs, small kids, finances, and relationship issues can be overwhelming for young couples. One day, I found myself crying out to God for an answer to our problems. For some bizarre reason, I decided to go get my car washed at Auto Bell (for the first time in many months). I sat in the car wash waiting room, feeling low in spirit and clueless about how to be a good wife, when I looked down at the table beside me, and there lay the book "The Power Of A Praying Wife", by Stormie Omartian. My heart skipped a beat. God has sent me a book! There was no one else to be found in the car wash that day, so I was sure God had arranged for me to have it.

I took the book home and began reading the first chapter - to my surprise, Stormie's husband's name was Michael - my husband's name was Michael! Kind of creepy huh? But a wonderful supernatural-surprise-which-gives-you-chill-bumps kind of creepy! From that day forward, I made a commitment to always pray for my husband, even when I didn't feel like it, or feel like he deserved it. I made a commitment to stop asking God to fix my husband's flaws, and start asking Him to open my eyes to what I could fix about myself that would improve our relationship. It was hard, and still is, but well worth it.

I truly believe it was that commitment to praying for my marriage that has led to the success of our relationship. Is life a peaceful harmonic melody at our house all the time? I would be lying if I said yes. We aren't perfect. We argue, fuss and squabble over silly things. We disagree about how to spend money or who we should visit first at Christmas. But no matter what we are going through, I know I can take it to the Lord,and that He will hear my prayers, and I trust that He will help us work through any issues, big or small. As long we continue to make Him a priority in our family, I know that God will continue to bless our marriage.

On a final note, I didn't really need an anniversay gift (but what girl doesn't love gifts?!) As usual, my sweet husband came through with flying colors. A few months ago, I had misplaced one of my diamond stud earrings (again). I was devastated, but no matter how hard I looked, I could not find it. And believe it or not, he really wasn't too hard on me about losing it (again). Without my knowledge, Michael had taken my still existing earring to the jeweler, and purchased a matching stud for it. What a man!

So with love to my wonderful husband Michael - happy 18th anniversary!