In Gods Hands

Psalm 56:4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.

The day that the IPOD incident occurred last week, I was headed out of town with another mom friend of mine, to take Morgan and two of her friends to the mountains for a snowboarding trip. It was Morgans 15th birthday, so the day was already filled with excitement and drama, before the whole theft incident even occurred.

So after meeting with the principal about the theft, I knew I had to get home and pack the car for the mountain trip, so I kissed Kaitlyn goodbye and turned to leave. But as I watched my sweet Katybug (as we call her) slowly walk back to class, shoulders slumping, heavy with sorrow, trying to regain her composure. Suddenly, I felt a surge of maternal emotion overcome me.

I found myself wanting to run down the hall like a mad mom, scoop her up into my arms, and rush her out to the car, whisking her home where she could wrap in a blanket, drink hot chocolate, and watch a cartoon to get her mind off of her troubles. But I knew she would miss too much during the school day, so with every ounce of energy I could muster up, I continued to walk towards the door. But as I did, I prayed.

I prayed for God to wrap His arms around her and take care of her the rest of the day. I asked Him to be with her and comfort her, since I could not be there with her.

I have to be honest with you though...I actually did go back and pick her up after lunch - I just couldnt go out of town without one more hug! So after I got her snuggled into the couch and watching that cartoon, Morgan and I set off for the mountains.

Morgan and her friends were so excited, acting silly beyond belief and giggling continuously for no real reason. I had a great time chatting with my friend on the drive to the mountains and we enjoyed a nice dinner at Ruby Tuesdays before heading to the condo and getting to bed early so we would be all rested for the next day.

Morning arrived quickly, and as I aroused from sleep, my first thought of the morning was, "uggg. It is going to be cold outside". Inside I felt a bit anxious .... not about the cold weather, but about my little Morgan, even though she is not so little anymore, and knowing that her safety would be at risk today.

We arrived to Sugar Mountain, in Boone, NC about 9am. The wind was cold and the snow was slippery, but the sun was peeking out, the mountain was beautiful, and the enthusiasm of those 3 teenage girls seemed to outweigh the shivers. We had arranged for them to take a one hour snowboarding lesson that morning since none of them had ever snowboarded before, so my friend and I got them all zipped up in their coats, scarves and protective gear and watched them walk off with the rest of the group to begin their lesson with the instructor.

Suddenly, I felt this little rush of panic come over me. It was a familiar feeling. For the past 15 years, I have mastered the art of worrying about the safety of my children. It seems that when there is even the most remote possibility that one of them could experience any type of danger or emotional harm, my mind begins to fill with irrational thoughts about what could possibly happen in the worst of circumstances.

What if Morgan couldnt get on the ski lift properly as it briskly rushed past her, and she slipped and got hit in the head with the seat? What if she could not get off the lift quick enough at the top of the mountain, and fell and got hurt? Even worse, what if she slipped and fell off the lift while hoisted five stories up in the air? What if she got too close to the edge of the slope and fell off the mountain? What if she got separated from her friends and panicked all alone? What if she breaks her arm/leg/neck? What if..........

Yep, panic. Irrational panic. But I couldnt let it show. I didnt want to look like one of those freakish over protective moms running up the ski slope (or running through a middle school hallway) trying to tie her daughters scarf a little tighter so she didnt catch cold.

I so wished I could go with her up the slopes and enjoy learning to snowboard, but it would have been too risky in light of my recent arm surgery. So as she walked into the distance, I turned to walk back towards the lodge. I wished I could whisk her up and take her back with me to drink hot chocolate and watch cartoons, safe and sound in my presence, free from any lurking harm. Sound familiar?

But I could not do that, just like I couldnt pull Kaitlyn out of school that morning, so I simply prayed. Just a simple prayer, " Oh, Lord, I cant be with her today. I cant protect her. I cant watch after her. She will be out of sight, at the top of a mountain, far from my reach. Only you can see her. Only you can protect her now. Please keep her safe. Please wrap your arms around her." And as always, I felt Gods reassurance. I heard Him quietly speaking to my heart, and He simply said, "Put her in My hands. Entrust her to me".

But I dont want to Lord!!! I want to protect her myself! I want to be able to see her and hold her and keep her safe, just like I could do when she was five years old. It was much easier then! I liked it that way!

But I knew I had to entrust her to God. I am just a human, He is a sovereign God. Any protection I can give her pales in comparison to protection from a Savior. And not merely protection on the ski slope, but every day. As she approaches these high school years, where peer pressure is heavy, temptations are lurking, some girls are mean, some boys are one track minded, and the future is scary, I know she needs to be in Gods hands. And Kaitlyn in middle school, trying to fit in, worry about self image, have good grades and make the cheerleading squad for next year, I know she needs to be in Gods hands. When they are out with their friends, at the mall, at the movies, and walking down the street, I will entrust them into Gods hands.

I am physically here with them, when I can be, but God is spiritually with them, and my biggest comfort is knowing that He is protecting them, loving them, watching over them, and seeing them when they are out of my sight.

My faith leads me to believe that He knows best, that He wants them to be happy, and that His Holy Spirit will convict their hearts in these coming years, leading them to make good decisions, but using their bad decisions to help bring them closer to Him. Teaching me to depend on Him, and trust in Him, more each day.

So after spending a brief moment in a mental argument with God in the freezing wind over who gets control, I gave in. I reassured myself, and my God, that I do trust Him. I know He will be up there with her, on that huge, tall, cold, slippery mountain where strangers lurk and danger is one side step away. But I told Him, "I trust You Lord. I entrust my children to you. Thank you for being there for them when I cannot." A little peace came over me, and so I went and got some hot chocolate of my own and found a seat with my friend where we chatted for hours.

My son Michael is only 9 years old, so he is my snuggle bunny right now; still little enough to keep within reach, but growing like a weed. Soon, he will skipping out of sight, where only Gods eyes can see him and Gods hands can protect him. I entrust him to Him as well.

Trusting God is a daily commitment, sometimes even a struggle. But putting my trust in Him, instead of entertaining irrational and silly thoughts that the enemy tries to pour into my mind, will most certainly result in a happier me, a happier family, and a more fulfilled life with Christ right in the center of it all.

PS Other than a few sore muscles and a stiff neck, Morgan survived her first snowboarding experience with no broken bones. As promised, God brought her back safe and sound. Kaitlyn has rebounded from her IPOD loss, and little Michael won his basketball game while I was away. God is so good!

A Day Full of "If onlys"..... "what ifs"... and "I wish"......

As soon as I answered the phone, I heard the panic in her voice. My sweet Kaitlyn was calling to ask me if she had possibly left her brand new IPOD Touch which she had gotten for Christmas three weeks ago, in the car that morning. I had not seen it, but checked the car anyway, but no IPOD.

I immediately went to the school and met with the principal about the missing IPOD. He informed me that there had been a rash of thefts since school resumed after Christmas. As Kaitlyn sat there in the chair beside me in his office, trying to hold back the wails of sobs that wanted to burst out of her, I knew she was beating herself up inside.

I know that an IPOD is just a material thing, but she had anxiously and excitedly waited for months for Christmas day to arrive, and of all the presents she received for Christmas, her IPOD was her favorite. If she had not received another gift besides that, I think she would have been happy as a lark. It was a gift she really wanted, and she loved it. But now it was gone.

Once we left the Principal's office and the tears overflowed, she expressed how desperately she wished she could go back in time that morning. How she wished she would have left it at home or in the car that morning. How she wished she would not have left her purse at her desk when the class went to the library for a brief time. Her mind was flooded with "what if's", "if only's", and "I wish's", but nothing would change the outcome, which was that her IPOD was gone forever.

I have been in her shoes before. I have felt that desperation to change the past before. Not about an IPOD, but about decisions I made in my past, which I desperately wished I had made differently. For many years, I spent my days filling my mind with "what if's", and "if only's", and "I wish's", but no matter how much or how long I beat myself up for my mistakes, it didnt change anything.

One miraculous day I finally realized that God loved me no matter what my mistakes were, no matter how bad my decisions had been, and that no amount of self condemnation was going to change His love for me, or change the past. After a lot of internal struggling, I humbly accepted the fact that I was forgiven, and as a result, have allowed God to do things in my heart and my life that I would have never dreamed of.

Do I still entertain those self defeating thoughts? Sometimes. Im only human. But as a result of seeing God at work in my life over the past few years, my belief that all things happen for a purpose is stronger than the insecurities that the devil tries to pierce my heart with. I try to allow Gods voice to drown out that mean ol enemys voice, and that is always a daily struggle.

So was I mad at Kaitlyn for losing her IPOD? Not mad, just frustrated, and disappointed, because I cannot run out and buy another expensive IPOD right away, so she will have to wait until we can afford to replace it. She will unfortunately have to suffer the consequences of being somewhat careless, even if it was done innocently, and inadvertently. And she has to suffer the consequences for someone elses bad decision, which seems to make it even worse.

But do I forgive her? Of course, instantaneously, and without a shadow of a doubt.

When I first approached her at school that day, I could see the sadness in her eyes, hear the loss in her voice, and feel the overwhelming regret pouring out of her little heart. I know it is just a "thing", but it was something that was special to her.

As I looked at her flushed and tear stained face that day, and felt compassion building up inside of me, I couldnt help but think how God experiences those same feelings for us. How no matter how much we mess up, make careless decisions, and let Him down, that He feels the same loving compassion for us, as we do for our own children. That He feels compassion and mercy, not anger and disappointment, even when we do not deserve it.

If you are beating yourself up today for something you have done, thought or said, and you secretly desperately wish you could go back in time and do things differently, I encourage you today to let those feelings go. You are listening to the voice of the one who wants you to condemn yourself, so he can keep you down and discouraged.

None of us can change the past, despite all the wishing in the world....but we can control how we allow those mistakes to help us grow spiritually, depend on Christ, and trust that He always knows best.

If I had to look for a silver lining in all this, I did have some teachable moments with Kaitlyn. Not just about being more careful with her valuables, but about praying for people that steal or hurt us.

We talked about how the person who stole it must not know Christ; they must not know that stealing is wrong; they must not feel convicted by the Holy Spirit or even their own morals when they do something wrong; and maybe they have a bad family situation, and were never taught right from wrong or to be considerate of other peoples feelings, or things. I asked her if she had prayed about it, and she said she had, and we prayed about it together. It was hard, but we prayed for the thief. It is not fair and that person had no right to steal something from her, but we still need to forgive them and pray for them, and she understood. She has such a sweet heart.

I did want to give her a little hope though, and reminded her that if God can run an entire universe, He could certainly help her IPOD get back to her, if that was His will in His ultimate plan.

So, now we will just cross our fingers, and keep praying, that maybe it will be found and turned in and returned to her in some way, but regardless, lessons were learned, and life moves on. God always has a plan for everything .... even IPODS. Kaitlyn had dozens of Christian songs on her IPOD, maybe God will use it to reach a place in a heart that He could not reach before. But even if we never see it again, and never understand why it happened, I still believe that God can do something good out of it. And also, that He will.

Snow in the Carolinas!

Whoo hoo! We woke up to a beautiful blanket of white snow this morning! We have not had any snow here in nearly five years, so the kids are loving it! We even had school cancelled today, and the kids were outside freezing by 8:30am! Dont get me wrong now, I do not envy those who live up north, I dont like snow that much! One or two days of fun snow are great, and then Im glad to see it go!

Here are a few pictures from this morning. Maybe Ill venture out a bit later!

Here is Kaitlyn licking some snow off of a leaf, and my 3 amigos -

Here are the kids warming up after being frozen solid - Morgan playing some praise music on her new guitar, and Kaitlyn singing, Michael is just reading his book and drinking his hot chocolate.

Signing off to have some fun!

Another Year, Another Plan

When I was in middle school, I wanted to be in high school. I was sure I would feel more confident and more important then.

When I was in high school, I just wanted to be 16 so I could drive.

Then when I was 16, I wanted to be 18 so I would be a "legal" adult, and would have a valid reason to tell my parents I should be able to do what I want.

When I turned 18, I could not wait to get to college, discover my freedom and start a new life adventure.

Once I was in college, I wanted to be 21, because I thought all problems would end if I could ever reach legal drinking age. Ha!

When I turned 21, it was not that big of a deal though. I just wanted to do good in school, so I could get of college and get a job.

I got out of college at the age of 23, found a job, and then desperately wished I didnt have to go to work every day, but looked forward to when I could get married.

Once I got married six months later, I looked forward to the day when I could be a mommy.

Three years later when I became a mommy, there were days when I yearned for the days of teenagedom and college freedom again!

It seems like my whole life, I have wasted time and energy looking for something else. Searching and yearning for what lie just beyond my reach, and when I met that goal, immediately creating a new goal in my mind.

I think that is pretty normal for most people, and as long as we keep things in perspective, be content with what we have, and appreciate each stage in life we will be okay - however, that does not mean it is the right way to be. It is Gods choice to give us every new day, each first breath of a new morning, and the blessing of life. So in my heart, I know God desires that we treasure where we are, not just where we could be or want to be.

Today is my birthday - the big, whopping, ugly-sounding 42 years old birthday. Wow, I cant even believe I had to type a number that high. When did that happen? When did I get old enough to have a child in high school? When did I get all these wrinkles? And thank goodness for Miss Clairol.

I used to like birthdays, even look forward to them, and get excited about getting some presents.....but now....uuuuummmmmm..... not so much. But the good thing is, I no longer waste time yearning to meet that next age level anymore! I would be perfectly happy staying right here, or maybe a few years ago. Smiles.

Each year when I have to face another birthday, I try to take a quick mental assessment of what I accomplished over the past year.... did that year matter in my life? Did I make a difference? Did I live for Christ? Was I a good mother and wife, daughter, friend, niece, sister, neighbor?

Overall, I think 2008 was a pretty good year. I will not bore with you all the details, but in light of my many mistakes and falling short of the glory of God each and every day, I believe that God did good things in my heart last year, and did great things in and through me, through the experiences that He brought me to, and brought me through. Through the people I met, the friends I made, the family I love, and the experiences He put in my life.

But I cant help wondering......what is just beyond my reach this year? I dont mean another age marker, but in Gods plan for me? I dont mean a self serving goal wrapped in pride or personal desire, but a new level or accomplishment that God wants me to climb to?

What is it that God has in store for me? Is there a goal or spiritual mile marker that He desires that I reach this year, that I may not even be aware of? What amazing things is God doing in my life this year that will excite me so much, that I will stand in speechless awe of His sovereignty?

Wow, just writing that made me get goose bumps all over! My prayer this year is that I truly live for Christ. Whether Christ keeps me where I am, or leads me to new adventures and goal heights, I just pray that whatever I do, is His will.

I feel in my heart that God is trying to tell me something. In years past, if God was trying to get something across to me, I felt a sense of anxiousness each and every day. I would find myself searching the bible, browsing websites, praying, looking for clues to drop in my lap or maybe be written on a big billboard somewhere. I desperately wanted to know what was on Gods mind......and eventually, in one way or another, He always got through to me somehow. Sometimes it took years, other times it took days.... but I seemed to get the message eventually.

Lately, the last few weeks, I have been having that feeling again. I feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart, and almost feel like a little girl waiting at the mailbox each day, waiting for the mail to arrive with a $10 bill in it from granny! I know God is reaching out to me.

I dont know what God has in store for me in 2009, but whatever it is, I am already looking forward to it! As I kick off yet another year, which from a mirror standpoint I would like to defer, but from a spiritual standpoint, I am at the edge of my seat.

So, will you pray for me? Pray that I will be still enough to hear His voice, and aware enough to know His commands when He tells me. Pray that I will hear His voice sooner, than later. Pray that when He does reveal His plan for me, that I will be able to accept it, embrace it, and move forward with it - even if it is so far out of my comfort zone, that I feel it is far beyond my capabilities. I have learned, that if we feel God has told to do something that we think is completely ridiculous in our mind, that we have most definitely heard Him correctly! If His plans were easy, it wouldnt take much faith to follow!

I am always reminded of my life theme verse, it still appears in my life quite often, and is also the verse on my bible cover: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you; plans for a future and a hope."

I am still in utter amazement at the plans I have already seen Him carry out in my life, and in the lives of those I am close to. I know God still has more plans for me, and I have found that the key to unlocking that plan, is having a relationship with Him. Not just a prayer life, a relationship.

It takes a relationship to truly be able to communicate openly and honestly with someone, and only then can two way conversations take place. My plan, is to continue building that relationship with my Savior, so that I can hear His plan loud and clear when He chooses to share it with me.

Friend, God is always waiting for us to open our spiritual ears and eyes, and then when we do hear and see His will, to embrace that plan with a full heart. That is my personal goal for 2009, even if it means accepting another birthday.

There is no better place to be than right smack in the middle of Gods will.

All Info-mercials Are Not Created Equal!

Welllllllllllllll, here I am. Still hanging out on the couch, trying to do what I can with one arm. When the pain medicine is working, I have probably been doing way too much too soon though.... depends on whether or not you think washing clothes, one armed sweeping and vacuuming, cleaning dishes, cooking gumbo for dinner and even going to watch my NFL Carolina Panthers get smeared by the Cardinals while sitting out in the cold rain with 73,000 other fans, 48 hours after surgery, is over doing it.

I know, I know!!!! My busy-bodiness and inability to be restful and stationery for very long is kind of a serious fault of mine.

Anyway, its all good (at least I hope my doctor says so when I go back next week for my follow-up!).

I thought I would take today to tell you about two awesome things I came across last year that I am so thankful for, and that I try to tell everyone I know about. I cant even express how great these two discoveries were for me!

Probably like most of you, I used to stand firm on my belief that anything advertised in a TV info-mercial was most definitely going to be junk, garbage, not as advertised, or a royal ripoff, but last year, all that changed!

In fact, my life was changed because of watching an infomercial for P90X. P09X is an intense exercise program, which consists of 12 DVD workouts, and a high protein nutrition plan. The key to its' success is muscle confusion and eating right. Plus, when you start seeing results, you get even more motivated to work even harder!

Believe me when I say that I have bought several other work-out-at-home DVD programs in the past, and failed miserably every time because I was so bored, and because I didnt see real results. Even playing tennis four days a week and running 8-10 miles per week was not changing my body image the way I wanted.

But P90X was amazing. It was like having my very own personal trainer at home, so I was eager to do it every day. So why do I love it so much? I lost 20 pounds, but more importantly, I lost 15-17 inches over my body. I dropped from a size 8, to a size 0-2!! (I would show you my before/after pictures, but the before picture is way too embarassing!)

I didnt start this program to try to be super thin, I just wanted to feel better and be healthier. And now , I feel great. I have lots of energy, and my eating habits have permanently changed, in fact my husband now calls me a food snob, but I dont mind!

I kept this verse close to my heart over the past year: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

So many of us forget that our body is Gods temple. I heard a statistic on CNN yesterday that 33% of Americans are morbidly obese, and 32% of Americans are simply overweight. The statistics for eating disorders are astonishing. The prevalence of tatoos, extreme body piercings and other creative ways to negatively alter ones appearance has actually become disturbing.

I think people in todays society have forgotten that our bodies are Gods temple, or they just simply dont believe it. But the verse above reminds us of that undeniable truth. Please dont misunderstand me now, I know that God cares about our hearts, not our appearances, but He does say we are to take care of our bodies, our health, His residence.

If you feel as if you need to improve your health this year, get into shape, eat a healthier diet, tone, and maybe shed a few pounds if you are over your ideal weight for your frame, then check out the P09X website. The website itself is a bit hard on the eyes, but the program is phenonemal.

The other quick infomercial tip for today, is WEN haircare. Wow, this stuff gave me a new head of hair! The product is everything it claims to be. My hair is baby fine, bone straight, and dry. I am so sure you think I am way too young to have gray hairs (hee hee!), but I color my hair every month, so it had become brittle and frizzy. Yuck.

I took a chance on yet another infomercial, and my hair turned around completely! It is now softer, healthier and more manageable than it has ever been in my life.

So ladies, I know I sound like an infomercial wierdo, but I think if we find a great beauty secret, we should feel an obligation to share the knowledge!

So help me out here.....have you got any great beauty tips, home remedies, or successful infomercial purchases that you can share with your bloggy sisters? I would love to hear about them! There are actually 2 other infomercial products I have had on my eyes on.... about abs, and flawless skin...can you guess what they are?

Seriously though, whatever choice or life changes you need to make this year to become a more beautiful, healthier and happier you, I pray you will ask God to give you the perseverance and desire to follow through and meet your goals! Make a committment to honor God with you body this year!

Update

Hi friends. I am trying to type left handed and one handed with a quick update. My arm surgery went fine, although there was more tendon damage and internal scar tissue than originally thought, so the doctor had to do a bit more repair, including "drilling holes into the bone". Uggghh! Kind of glad I didnt know that ahead of time. So there is a lot of pain, and I am just trying to keep the pain medicine in me!

I didnt expect a hard partial cast up to my armpit, wrapped up so thick that my arm looks like the elephant man! So everything is a struggle! But my wonderful husband is taking great care of me.

I did learn something new today.... neither of my girls know how to use a regular curling iron! They are pros at using their straighteners though. Guess my hair will just be looking a little straggly for a week or two.

So just keep me in your prayers for a quick recovery and I'll be back as soon as I can use ten fingers again!