Thursday, February 11, 2010

Building Up Your Man and Your Marriage

Welcome to my blog! I am so glad you stopped by today!

My Proverbs 31 devotion that is running today, which is also on Crosswalk, is about giving our husbands the gifts they most desire - love, respect and admiration. (At the end of this post, you can find out how you can enter to win one of two powerful audio sessions for women, recorded at one of Rick Johnsons speaking sessions, the author of The Man Whisperer.)

Now I know what some of you may be thinking.... "But my husband does not deserve my respect and admiration, much less my love!" .... "If you knew what he did last week, you would understand why I dont respect him" ..... "He never fulfills my needs, so why should I bother fulfilling his" .... and so on.

We all know that there is no such thing as the perfect husband. And at times, husbands are guilty of doing things that undermine their credibility and make it hard to respect them, their decisions or their actions. Unfortunately this happens in most marriages, because, well, we are all sinners, saved only by grace. But ladies, if we are honest with ourselves, we will have to admit that we are not perfect either. :)

But after a lot of prayer and studying what Gods Word has to say about marriage, I have come to understand and accept that respect is something that God calls a wife to give to her husband, unconditionally, regardless of whether or not she thinks he deserves it. (note: there is no excuse or justification for any husband to inflict physical, emotional, or mental abuse on his wife - if you are in a situation such as this, please consider contacting a local support agency or Christian counselor).

In my devotion today, I referred to the book The Man Whisperer.

As I read through each chapter, I caught little glimpses of myself, my husband and our marriage. I began to recognize how drastically God made men from women, how different our needs are, and also how He uniquely made us to complement each other as well.

I began to ponder the fact that when I agreed "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live", I made a commitment not only to my husband, but to my God, and that I needed to stop expecting my husband to meet all of my standards, and love him with the same love that brought us together.

For most women, if asked to name three things they want to change about their husbands, they could probably rattle off their list within seconds (myself included!). Maybe those desires for change are as simple as wishing he would pick up his socks and take out the trash more, or maybe those desires are to see changes in behavior problems, or breaking free from addictions.

Regardless of the simplicity or seriousness of the things we dont like about our husbands, many women resort to insults as a tool to try to motivate them to change, thinking that will cause them to change their behavior. But unfortunately, all it really does, is tear down the relationship.

I came across a quote recently that said, "The most damaging problems are not solved by correcting behavior. They must be solved by a change of character, a change of morality, a change of heart." This reiterates the fact that all the disrespect in the world cant change a mans heart, but with God, ALL things are possible.

Your husband needs to be respected for who he is, not for what he does. Without respect, he simply cannot thrive, or survive, because respect is too great a need for a man to only receive based on performance.

Proverbs 14:1 says "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."

Ladies, lets remember this one important truth - if our emotions control our words, our words will control our marriage, instead of our love. Instead of waiting to feel like your husband deserves your respect, go ahead and start showing him that respect, while praying for him daily, and then watch for evidence of what God is doing in him, in your marriage relationship, and also, in your own heart.

We have an important choice to make every day. We can build up the men in our lives, or tear them down, while knowing that as we are tearing down the man, we are simultaneously tearing down the house, and maybe even the family, as a result.

Sometimes respect is the absolute hardest gift to give. Things have happened. Feelings have been hurt. Trust has been betrayed. Fears have become reality. But ALL things are possible with God. I have seen God work in my marriage, and He is eager to do the same for you.

So.... I want to invite you to embark on a two week encouragement journey with me, if you are up for it!

For the next 14 days, I will post a new challenge for the day, to help you become a husband encourager, a wife who respects her man, and a woman who trusts that the Lord desires for her to be happy with the man that God paired her up with.

Believe me when I say, I will be working through this challenge right along with you, and I hope we can encourage each other with our comments, transparency, and friendship.

If you have a true desire to intentionally respect your husband, and you desire in your heart to work towards having a stronger marriage through depending on Gods Word and promises, then simply post a comment that says "I'm in!". What better time to pledge to love on our husbands and improve our marriages, than Valentines Day - the holiday for love!

OKAY - NOW FOR THE CONTEST:


There are two awesome audio CD's up for grabs:

Power Tools for Women: Positive Tools for Influencing Your man




Speaking Your Man's Language: Ten Keys to Successful Communication with Your Man



Entering to win is easy - simply click on my Facebook tab on the left sidebar of this screen, and friend-request me! If you are already my friend, just leave a comment on my Facebook post for today. If you do not have a Facebook page, you can look me up on Twitter and click to follow me, or just post a comment here that you have neither of these, but still want to enter to win!!

Easy enough huh? From all the great new friends that I meet this week, I will put all the names in a hat and draw out the names of two winners.


Winner will be announced on Monday! Good luck!



PS Come back tomorrow to kick off the first encouragement challenge!

Building Up Your Man and Your MarriageSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

150 comments:

Eva from NS said...

I'm in!

Melanie said...

Tracie - thanks for sharing this - awesome, timely, and love your heart. I'm in!

Anita said...

I've sent the friend request on FB, but I just have to tell you what an answer to prayer this is!! God has such perfect timing, and I am so thankful you listen to His voice!

Kristi said...

This was perfect timing! Thanks!

Barbie said...

I'm in!

Unknown said...

I'm in!

Julie said...

I'm SO in!

Farrah said...

Great words today... how we forget the power of words and actions! I'm in!

sharon said...

thankyou for this devotional,i no the lord has been speaking to me in this area.im in!

Anonymous said...

I'm in and am planning on sharing this information with my newly married daughter!
Sally

Linda said...

I am in..........this is an answer to my prayers!!

Jen said...

Thanks for your post. I'm in!

Anonymous said...

By His grace--I'm in...

Anonymous said...

I'm in!

How timely this is as my husband and I have been having a difficult week. Can't wait to start.

lisa said...

I'm in, too!

Michelle said...

I'm in and looking forward to working at encouraging my husband! Thanks!

Josh, Jess and Jorja Behe said...

I'm in, too! Thanks for your great blog post and Prov 31 devo. I'm phasing out of Facebook and don't Twitter. Need more time for my husband and family. :)

Unknown said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this, it has been a difficult week for my husband and myself. This is God's perfect timing! I'm in.

Kim O.
Rosemount, MN

Beverly said...

WOW Tracie...thank you for this message today. It is so timely for me! Guess I will say, "I'm in"!

Rachel Beran said...

Tracie, what great words. Just what I needed to read...and apply!! It def takes an intentional effort on my part and I don't want to be a hearer (or reader in this case) only and not a doer, you know?! Sounds like it was a timely devo and post for many, including me.

I'm in! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm in!

Unknown said...

I am in

Deborah Villicana said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the article, Tracie. I needed that. I'm in!

Toni said...

I'm in! ☺

Elle said...

I'm in!
I do not have Facebook or Twitter, but would like to enter the drawing.

Anonymous said...

I'm in!
Ellen F.

Julie S said...

I have neither a Facebook page or Twitter. I'm in!! Great timing.

Anonymous said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

I'm In!

Blessed said...

I'm in!

Wendy Blight said...

Tracie,

Your devo and this post came to me at the exact time I needed to hear them. This has been my prayer for the last week, but you have given me such an incredible foundation and biblical Truth to stand on as I do it. It's as if God spoke right to me through your words telling me that He is right here with me, my prayers are on track, and to press on...I am not alone!! How I needed this today...your devo and your post.

Love you, friend,

Wendy

Wendy Blight said...

Tracie,

Your devo and this post came to me at the exact time I needed to hear them. This has been my prayer for the last week, but you have given me such an incredible foundation and biblical Truth to stand on as I do it. It's as if God spoke right to me through your words telling me that He is right here with me, my prayers are on track, and to press on...I am not alone!! How I needed this today...your devo and your post.

Love you, friend,

Wendy

MercyM said...

I need this challenge like...two years ago!! I AM IN!

Anonymous said...

I'm in!!!

Shelley said...

I'm in.....=)

Tammi said...

Thanks Tracie! I'd like to be eligible for one of the two helpful tools! Since I'm not on Facebook or Twitter, I thought I'd jot a note here. Also: I've been reading a book regarding the power of prayer in our marriage---and "boy, oh boy," has it been helpful! Trying to remember to submit and respect our husbands, with a quiet spirit, can be difficult. But thank the Lord He has promised to help us. After all, it's HIS will for our marriages to be used as powerful tools in His hands to make a difference in the world around us. So thanks for reminding me---keep a quiet spirit, let the Lord lead and love my husband through me--and watch Him work wonders!

Anonymous said...

I'm in!!!

Your challenge has come at the perfect time! Looking forward to seeing a change in me for us!!

Melissa said...

Getting married in May...I'm in!

Carrie said...

Thank you so much for your devotional on P31 and your words of encouragement in your blog. I have just gone through a situation where my words were being used to tear down my husband, not build him up. There's been a running joke around our house that if the clean laundry gets put away and something gets put in the wrong drawer or in the wrong kid's room, then "Daddy did it!" :-) And it's true...there's been many times where Andrew's jeans got put in Ella's jean drawer or Ella's socks got put in Andrew's sock drawer. The funniest one of all was that we found a pair of Ella's pink panties folded up in the stack of the kids pink and blue washcloths in the bathroom!!! :-) DADDY DID IT!! Well, we would all laugh and Paul laughed just as hard. But one day, we found something out of place again, and I heard Ella say, "Daddy ALWAYS puts things in the wrong place." And it just stopped me in my tracks. Here my "joking" about Paul misplacing the laundry was causing my kids to speak negative words about their Daddy. In Ella's mind, Daddy wasn't doing things right and wasn't doing a good job. That just shot me in the heart when I realized that my words of "jest" were putting negative words in Ella's mind and mouth about Paul. True, Paul doesn't always put the laundry in the right place, but the point is...Paul DOES the laundry and puts it away for me many a time. There are MANY husbands out there who wouldn't touch laundry or dishes with a 10 foot pole because that's "woman's work"...not a man's job. But my husband will wash and fold clothes for me and will wash and put away dishes for me out of the kindness and love in his heart for me. So I've had to make a conscious decision when I find something out of place and the kids see it and make a comment that "Daddy must have done it." I have instead chosen to say, "Yes, you're right. Daddy probably did do that but isn't Daddy such a wonderful Daddy and husband that he loves us enough to helps us with our clothes and dishes? He must really love us to take the time to do that." It makes ALL the difference in the world!!!! Thank you for reminding me to keep those positive words flowing!

Debbie said...

I'm in. Being in a blended family/marriage for 8 years, it is difficult to show respect. God has definetely been working on my heart in this area. I definitely want a marriage that is glorifying to Him.

Unknown said...

I'm in... just downloaded "Man Whisperer" too!!!

Thank you for this!!!

Dana said...

Tracie,
I'm in!!! Thanks for the insight. I could really use the Power Tools book because somethimes it feels like I need a Jack Hammer to get through to my man. But, with God's help, I'm gonna try. Thanks again.

Love in Christ,
Dana

Anonymous said...

I am totally in. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you.

Laney

NikkiR said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

I'm in too! -Janelle

Janet said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your encouragement today. God used you to speak to my heart this morning. When I read about your fourteen day challenge the first thought that came to my head was "You will never last!" But I know that's what the enemy wants me to think. I choose to listen to the Voice of Truth so I'm in!!!

lloeppky@mts.net

Anonymous said...

Tracie - I'm in! Thanks so much for your wonderful posts and I look forward to your challenges in the days to come. (I don't use Facebook or Twitter but would love to enter the contest here!)

Tina
tmatas@tampabay.rr.com

Unknown said...

I'm headed to Facebook now.

Thanks, Tracie!

Love you,
Tammy Nischan

Anonymous said...

I'm In!!!!
I am a divorced mother of 3 beautiful children and i have been dating someone whom i know will be my future husband. I feel that even though i may not be married to him just yet, this challenge will still be a helpful tool to build our relationship. Thank you!!

crodriguez said...

I'm in!!!

Cheryl said...

I'm in! Thank you for speaking God's truth and sharing your heart. Perfect timing!

Candy said...

God's perfect timing! Thank you for being His messenger and encouraging us!! I'm in!

Anonymous said...

I am in!! Just made an appointment with a counselor for myself at our church,YESTERDAY!Have to work on myself if things are going to get better! Thank you God for the timing!!

Cindy said...

I just "friended" you on Facebook...really enjoyed your devotion today!

Cindy

Joni said...

I have been beating myself up for quitting the Love Dare on KLOVE. I am in for the next two weeks!

JazzyTurtle said...

I'm in! Thank you so much for this blog. I have also ordered the book, "The Man Whisperer". I have been going through so many things in my head and my heart about my marriage and this is really speaking to me. I used to pray for my husband everyday and lately I have fallen into the "does he deserve my love and respect" trap. I'm really looking forward to your encouragements.

Peace, Love, and God Bless,
Shelon

Carrie said...

WOW! I thought your daily devotional was good and that I wasn't going to learn much by coming to your blog. How wrong I was! You said some very powerful and pertinent things. I will definitely be friending you through facebook. I am in on this challenge. This is something that I have needed to do for years now, but I just didn't know how to do it. Thank you for helping my marriage.

Carrie Crews
ccrews2003@sbcglobal.net

Amy said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

This is fabulous. I, along with several friends, are definitely in need of encouragement when it comes to encouraging and uplifting our husbands right now...even when we don't "feel" like it!! Thanks for the devotional and the resources. I'm in! - DeAnna

Amber said...

I'm in and my marriage needs this more than ever...I have a sharp toungue and am not afraid to use it. I need to replace this with an encouraging toungue.

Julie said...

Thanks so much! I'm in!

Blessed Mess said...

I'm in! I have struggled a lot in giving respect to my husband, because of some hurt he has done to me in the past. I have to make it matter of choice to respect him even when I don't feel like or think he deserves it. I pray that these tapes will help more to overcome that struggle.

agullett@crescentpark.org

Kimberly K said...

I'm In!!!
Kimberly K
Houston,Tx
do not have facebook or twitter,but would like to enter contest! Thanks for your timely devo!

Lori said...

I'm in!! My husband and I do pre-marriage counseling and my instruction to young ladies to build up your man is sometimes met with a warry expression, but I direct them back to the Scriptures and how can you argue with that!!! Also, please add me to the drawing. Blessings!!

Anonymous said...

I'm in!

horseprariechatter said...

I'm in, also. I hope anonymous 1 will read your blog Thanks for helping to clarifying the line between a door mat and adored

Esther said...

I'm in!

Phyllis said...

I'm in...and I'm amazed at how God leads us to just the right place. Even if I don't win, I'm going to seek these out on my own.

Unknown said...

Im In!!

Maria Taylor said...

I am have been married for almost nine months now and "I'M IN!!"

Kristin said...

I'm IN!

Kara said...

I'm in!

Daily devotional led me to your blog...it's great & I'm excited about the challenge.

Anonymous said...

OK I'm in

Holly said...

I'm in!!

Anonymous said...

Tracie, you are beautiful inside and out! Echoing Anita's words, God has such perfect timing, and I too am so thankful you listen to His voice!
~ Caroline

Lauren said...

I'm in!!! Thanks for your encouragement>

Anonymous said...

I'm in! And this couldn't have come at a better time!

~Grace and Peace said...

I have a feeling that at the end of this challenge, even if I don't win the cd's, my marriage will win in the end.

Thank you.

Lynn said...

I'm in!!

Anonymous said...

I'm in! Wonderful article and God's perfect timing.

Anonymous said...

I'm in

judy said...

I'm in.

Sarah said...

I'm IN!

Eagles Wings said...

Count me in...
I already follow you on FB & Twitter. :0(

Abbotsford Girl said...

I'm in!
Little time for Facebook or Twitter....I'm lucky if I can read the blog attached to the devotional each day! So glad I did today...Please enter me into the contest.
Thanks

Sue G said...

I'm in. This is God speaking directly to me. ;)

Anjie said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

Hi Tracie,
...WOW!!
...What a response.
...I will be having you in my prayers.
...I'm In.
....We been married 26 years now.
...I'm all for marriage.
...May your heart and wisdom be guiding for the so many who are seeking. Including myself who wants her marriage to last forever.
....Ladies, Tracie has been a great blessing to me....Your in for a great challenge. May you welcome her invitation....May we all quiet ourselves to listen to Jesus invitation to follow him.
...The master then ordered the servant, "Go out to the highways and hedgerows and make people come in that my home may be filled."


Tracie Let your light shine through...

Matthew 5:14
You are the light of the world.

...Over the centuries, the Church has been a beacon of light for many people. Sometimes, the light takes the form of solace in time of need.
...other times, light comes as forgiveness, grace, or conversion of heart. This light is conveyed through human beings. Our Baptism calls us to be bearers of Christ's light to the world. This requires an openness on our part to allow Christ to work through us individually and collectively.
...When we do our part to be sources of light in the world, we diminish the effects of darkness.

Before we begin...pause for a few moments to concentrate on your breathing. Take a few deep breaths and remember that we are in the loving presence of God.

Many Blessing ladies.
Rhonda

RaphyyVivianRodriguez said...

Loved your devotion for today!
Truly a confirmation (not that I had any doubt I have to work on this).
I'm in.
Also, I would love to take part in the contest.
Vivian

Karen Ehman said...

Okay Tracie. I just had to be your 100th comment. Great devo! I love your heart for biblical marriage and I love you (and all our P31 sistas!)

Christine said...

Watching several of the pathetic super bowl over paid commercials, I realized how indignant and demeaning they were towards men in general. Even though the actors were paid quite well for their performance, its sad that most find humor in degrading another human being…. And they weren’t even beer commercials! May we all get on our knees and ask God to change this around.... not only in our homes but for our neighbors as well... may the words from my mouth be forever uplifting.

Anonymous said...

I'm in! I also want to participate in the giveaway, because I need all the help I can get, but I do not have a facebook or twitter account. Thanks!

Julie@comehaveapeace said...

This was just what I needed to read today, Tracie. I appreciate the way you dealt with a tender topic and left me encouraged. I'm in!

Unknown said...

I AM IN!!! Have had this conviction for a couple of months now and I am seeing great changes! Looking forward to what God has in store!

Bong said...

I'm in. Perfect timing. The moment I read your encouragement today I start crying....I was praying/talking to God this morning and I feel like He is telling me something. I guess this is it...I'm crying, and crying even while posting this. Indeed God is alive, faithful and never rejected our heartfelt request. AWESOME GOD!!!.

God bless

Unknown said...

I'm in!

Pam Williams said...

I'm in

Vanessa said...

Tracie - I have sent the friend fb request but I want to tell you that great timing this message is. After 36 years of marriage it is so easy to treat your husband disrespectfully when in truth you would not trade him for anyone else in the world!
Vanessa

Anonymous said...

I'm in!

Real Time Prayers said...

i'm in

Danette said...

I'm in! Thanks so much. Your devotion was so inspiring. I went out and bought the Man Whisperer, and I can't wait to read it. Also friended you on Facebook. Look forward to getting to know you through FB.

Alesha said...

I'm in!! :)

Unknown said...

I'm in

Christine said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

This challenge is good for me! I can use encouragement more on my husband....I'm In!!!

Michelle said...

I'm in! Love the idea.

Sandra said...

I'm in!

Lynda said...

Just what I was looking for this morning! Praise God!

debbie said...

I'm in!

Scarlet said...

I'm in. My husband deserves to be the man God intends him to be and so much more.

Shari (Momsreality) said...

I'm in!

Unknown said...

Tracy, your post and blog have been a blessing. A much needed drink to my thirst to have a marriage that pleases God inside and out. To renew and let go of bitterness and mistrust. To imitate God's unconditional love, mercy and grace. It's so easy to receive and so hard to give with a vengeful and emotional heart like mine. God deserves better and so does the man He gave me. I've been so focused on what I deserved that these facts were lost to me. I hope to be transparent and fully committed to my repentance in this area. As well as faithful to God's power at work. After all, my responsibility is to respond to God's ability, right? It sounds so easy, but saying all of this to simply say, I'M IN! I want my man into me and me into him and both of us into God's great plan for our future and that of our daughters. Thanks, sis, for being a much needed vessel!

Anonymous said...

I'm in!! I don't have access to Facebook or Twitter, but could you enter me in the give away anyway?

Thanks - great devo and much appreciated!

Debbie
woodard@zoominternet.net

LeeAnn@Encouragement Is Contagious said...

I'm in!

Anonymous said...

I'm IN!!!

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing. something important to learn and follow. I'm in!

Anonymous said...

I'm in!!!

Lesi said...

I'm in!!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Tracie for the reminder...I'm in!

Becca said...

Thank you so much for your words and challenge. I am definitely in!!

Beatrice said...

Beatrice said...Tracie thanks for the encouragement and for sharing your heart with us.I'm in

Kathy said...

I'm in!! I have neither of those, so please if you would--enter me to win!! ;-D
What a great reminder this is and will be for the next month!
Abundant Blessings,
Kathy

wendyw said...

IM IN!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I've only been married for about 3 weeks now, but this is something that is so important to me to get right. I'm so humbled by the tools and encouragement that God is providing so I can learn this! I'm in!

Anonymous said...

I have been married for 46 years and know things have gotten very sour, both taking advantage of the other. But I was just praying yesterday before my devotion time about it and presto God brought you to me or me to you anyway we conncected and you were as was God an answer to my prayers. I took you advice to heart and quickly made a few changes and our day was so happy. I will continue to take this advice and tell you I am truly in and it has already brought a bounce to my step and a smile to my face and also my heart, and I noticed a bounce in his also in just one day, guess we were starving, but now can be fed.
Bev in Texas

Anonymous said...

I'm in...

Odette / SA

Anonymous said...

I'm in! Wow! I can't wait to see what God has in store for my marriage through this challenge. Thank you. If it's not too late I don't have facebook or twitter and would like to enter the contest.
Karla S.

Unknown said...

I can't get to facebook or twitter here at work but would like to enter

Amy J. said...

I'm in!

Audrey said...

I just sent you a friend request. The Lord has been speaking to me for too long on this issue! Time to do something about it! Thanks! I'm in!

Joanne said...

So encouraging and affirming! I am in

Anonymous said...

I'm in and excited.
Beth

Anonymous said...

Tracie,
I am in such a difficult place in my marriage. We are working on our relationship, trying to be kind to each other; and I have planned a night away for us tomorrow night. It has been three years since we've made love. And nearly that long since I have felt that I love him. I have been in counseling but he won't go. We have been married for 26 years. I want things to work out, but I also want so much more than I think I will ever get from this relationship. Two years ago I thought it was over. We keep hanging on for the one child left at home, and the lifetime that we've shared. Everyone I have talked to who is divorced said that their relationship never was good. Ours was, once, and that is why I have hope. And I have great faith in God that with Him all things are possible. But love must be the foundation of a marriage, and I do not feel unconditional love for my husband anymore. I did, for many years. I will try the challenge, and will check back on Monday. I know you are not a counselor but I have poured out my heart to you anyway. And because of the personal content of this post, I will sign as anonymous. Thanks for your thoughts shared, and for what you are doing to help us all find a better relationship in our marriages. As for mine, prayers are sure appreciated.

Ruth from SC said...

I'm in!

Margie said...

I'm in

Lisa said...

I'm in!!!
Thanks Tracie! God's timing is so perfect. WOW!!

Lisa

Kim said...

I'm In.

Anonymous said...

I'm In!

Anonymous said...

I'm in, God's timing is perfect. God has been speaking to me to be a kind of wife He wants me be..!!! THis is God sent

Robyn Buxton said...

I'm in!!!! Http://change-me-lord.blogspot.com
My journey :-)

Jill in SD said...

I'm In, too!

Staci said...

I'm in!!! This sounds wonderful!!!! Just what I need!!!! I do not have facebook or twitter, but will be following your blog daily!!!! Thank you for sharing your insight in this area and allowing other women to follow along!!!

Anonymous said...

Count me in. Love your website and post. Really need the support.

Blessings on your ministry.

Unknown said...

I'm in. Looking forward to the challenge and becoming a more loving wife. God bless!

Khanyi said...

I'm IN....

Unknown said...

Speaking words of admiration of his traits abilites and recent accomplishments in front of others, in his hearing! is powerful
Not correcting the *facts* when he is telling others of an incident
Smiling
Making a homemade banner out of newspaper roll end is a tradition here... not just for birthdays but also... we missed you and WE APPRECIATE YOU.. with notes, bible verses and hand drawn picture