Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Pursuit of Potential: Lie #4

Well, well, well.....I can blame one week of absence from blogging on spring break, but the last couple weeks just seem to be a blur! I will admit that things have been a little strained around the Miles household lately, so although I have not been writing as much, God has given me lots to write about!

But for now - I want to move on with our series addressing the lies that women believe, based on the hundreds of cards I received from women across the country about this.

Today we are addressing Lie #4:

"I'm unworthy due to what mom said and how she would not know or love me."

As I have been reading through all the lies that Satan is telling so many women, they all break my heart. However, when it comes to hearing that a mother made her daughter feel unloved and unwanted, I feel especially burdened, and my mind just spins with confusion.

I was blessed by the most wonderful mother ever. She is the most loving, caring, unselfish, devoted, and kind woman I have ever known. Our relationship during my teenage years was strained, partially because she was raising me as a single parent, and partially because I gave her plenty of reasons to be stressed - but not once, did she ever make me feel unloved or unworthy to be her daughter.

I am so very thankful that I have her in my life, and her never ending love inspires me to the best mom I can be as well. Above all else, I want my children to feel loved, accepted and treasured, despite their mistakes, their failures and the times when they may disappoint me.

So my heart just rips apart when I hear stories from women, including many of whom are close friends of mine, whose mothers made them feel inferior and worthless as a child, and still make them feel this way, even to this day.

That little girl inside of us is always longing for approval, acceptance, love and adoration, and no matter how old we may get, our hearts will always carry around the longings of that innocent little girl.

Remember that old saying, "sticks and stone may break my bones but words may never hurt me"? Who came up with that nonsense?!

Words can hurt deeper and longer in our hearts, than any physical pain ever could- especially when those hurtful words come from people whose love and approval we desperately want.

I imagine that many of you reading this post today, can understand the hurt in between the lines of this lie that a woman wrote above. Her mother told her she was worthless and unworthy in words, and then reiterated in her actions by refusing to get to know her daughter, and show her emotional or physical love.

Sweet friends - many of you may share this pain. I want to reassure you today that you are not only your mothers daughter, but a daughter of the most High King. Although sometimes it is hard for an earthly mother to show love to her daughter, God has no problem doing that - in fact, that is His purpose.

However, before we can believe that God loves us, we have to believe that God IS love. We can either just assume that He does and that we are supposed to believe that because that is what people say - or - we can look for biblical proof of it.

1 John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

1 John 4:7-8 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

But the truth remains, that even if we believe God is love, sometimes it is hard to understand He loves us individually. We wonder "if my own mother (or father) couldn't love me, why would God be able to?", or "if my own mother (or father)did not think I was worthy or valuable, what could God possibly see in me?"

God sees the real you. The you that He created perfectly. The you that is wonderfully made, with all of your unique talents, gifts, and purposes. The you that has potential in this life to bring glory to Him by impacting others with love - His love, in you.

Words hurt. Rejection stings. Pain lingers for years. But God is love - forever and always. When it comes to what parents or other people may have said about you, or the reasons they touted for why you were unworthy, or unlovable - simply consider the source. They are human - God is God. His opinion trumps everyone else.

You matter to God. He has great love for you, and is saddened that your parents could not see your value as He does. Children are a gift from Him, but unfortunately some people take that gift for granted, and choose to be filled with hate and judgement, instead of love and compassion.

God has enough love to fill in the gaps that their hurtful words left in your heart -IF - you believe He is love, and allow Him to love on you, and live in you, like never before.

Pray for today: Dear Jesus - thank you for loving me. Forgive me for giving so much credit and truth to the words of hurtful people, that I forget the immense and unconditional love that Your Word promises. Will you help me to see You in my life? Will you help me to feel that love, and to be filled with so much of You that all those hurtful words of the past will be drowned out? Will you bring people into my life who will love me the way that you intended for a daughter to be loved? Heal my broken heart Lord, and make the words that have caused me pain become a faint memory, while Your Words become the Truth that I live by. In Jesus name, Amen.

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Anonymous said...

Dear Tracie,

This post brought tears in my eyes. I felt God telling me that He loves me and no matter how much my mom has hurt me, I am still worthy of His love and He really cares for me. Thank you and God bless you !!

Tracie Miles said...

Roshni - I am so thrilled that this post ministered to you. I know there are so many women hurting because of this issue. My prayers are with you - be confident in who you are and always remember you are loved by the best parent ever, your heavenly Father! Take care -

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the post. I have been struggling with not feeling loved for a long time. My mother didn't want any children. I so craved love and attention. She would often withhold love as punishment. I am also married to a man that has been in love with someone else for years. I so desperately need God to fill me with his love.