Marriage Challenge Day 7: Practice

If there is anyone who despises having to practice at something, it is my thirteen year old daughter, Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn is talented at many things, but the things that she has to really work at, or new things she is trying to learn how to do, become huge sources of frustration for her. Then her outbursts of tears and frustration normally prompt yet another discussion about how 'practice makes perfect', 'you cant give up when it seems hard', and that 'Rome was not built in a day'. I call them life lessons, she calls them lectures, but lets not go there.

Anyway, Kaitlyns favorite love of life is cheerleading. That is her sport of choice (and dont even try to argue that cheerleading is not a sport, because you might get hurt.) Recently, she has taken up tumbling again, trying to master all of the normal cheerleading tumbling moves. But even though she loves to envision the days when she will go flipping through the air with the greatest of ease, her heart just does not want to have to work at it! She wants the results, but not the hard work and potential frustration that it takes to get there.

But the biggest hurdle is, that as her frustration builds, her hope dissipates; she gets discouraged and down on herself when she cant meet her goal as quickly as she wants to, and feels like she wants to quit.

We could just mark that up to her being a teenager and at an insecure stage in life... but arent we all like that in some ways? I can only speak for myself of course, but I can get easily discouraged when I keep working at something, or praying about something, or longing for something to happen - only to continue to see things staying the same.

Over this past week, our Marriage Challenge has been focused on challenging us to work at our marriages, in the hopes that through the power of God, and trust in Him, that He can guide our hearts, and our husbands hearts, into a place of renewal, rekindled love, and recommitment.

We have talked about praying for our husbands, promoting them with encouraging words, seeing them through Gods eyes, providing for their needs, protecting their reputations, and spending time with them.

These are all such important things to do, but lets face it - they are time consuming, taking great commitment, and requiring us to put all our faith in God that He will reward our efforts to be a Godly wife.

When I pray about a problem in my marriage, or a situation that is concerning me, I want God to answer it - overnight. Immediately. In my timeline. Dont you?! Who doesnt?! Patience is no longer a virture, its a rarity. Our culture today has programmed us all for immediate gratification, and that holds true in our marriages too. We want things to be perfect, and we want it now!

How easy it is to give up on our marriage, or give up hope that God change our husbands heart, mend addictions, create intimacy, restore friendship, and heal a relationship, because we get so frustrated when things are not happening as quickly as we would like.

It takes practice to keep going when the going gets tough, and it takes practice to take Gods Word to heart when He promises to hear our prayers and act on them, according to His will.

Philippians 4:9 says "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you". The better we understand God's truth and promises, the more we can apply these principles to our lives. The more we practice them and apply to our lives, the better we will become at living a life, and having a marriage, that pleases God.

Last week at tumbling practice, Kaitlyn met one of her goals. She learned she could do something, that she had not been able to do before, and she was excited about her accomplishment! It was one little baby step towards the goal that she is trying to reach, and it was as if a light bulb went off in her head, and she suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe, there is something to be said for practicing after all.

Your challenge today is to practice the challenges from the past week, and have a wonderful day in the Lord.

Marriage Challenge Day 6: Play

I bet you are thinking that todays challenge looks pretty easy, huh? Well dont jump to conclusions, because, in all seriousness, finding time to play can be hard.

After all, life is busy; life is chaotic; and life is stressful.... and as a result, couples dont put their relationships at the top of their priority lists because everything else that screams for their attention seems more important or urgent. But eventually that lack of closeness and time together, results in awkwardness, tension, distance, and waning feelings of love. Over time, the lack of time for each other, takes its toll on the marriage.

All work and no play can make a marriage feel like a job instead of a joy.

So many of us get caught up doing life, that we forget to stay caught up in our marriage, in fact, a lack of spending time together is probably a huge factor that leads to the astronomical divorce rate that exists today. Even for couples who deeply love each other, if there is a lack of focus on togetherness, the friendship part of the relationship may begin to fade. If it fades long enough, it might disappear altogether.

I began thinking of some close friends I had from high school, college, former jobs and years past. Friends that I loved and adored and had everything in common with. Friends who had been through thick and thin with me. Friends who were precious and important. But due to living in different cities or states, changing jobs, having kids, and living increasingly busy lives, we grew apart. The phone calls became less and less. The emails got shorter, until they stopped altogether. And eventually, communication ended. Relationship over.

There were no problems in these friendships, I treasured each person and was thankful for their presence in my life. But the lack of focus on both ends, and the pull to more important things in life, resulted in some wonderful friendships simply fading away.

In my opinion, "play" is not something to take for granted at all, especially in marriage.

I tend to think that women care more about spending time together than men, or at least that is my unofficial opinion. It just seems that women, with the nurturing spirits God placed in us, do seem to be more inclined to think about quality time with the ones we love, than men do. However, regardless of who thinks it is more important, or whose fault it is that we may have not been making each other a priority, it is never too late to push time together back up to the top of our priority lists.

If you were to ask my husband to name one thing that I consistently "whine" about, it would be that we dont seem to have any alone time together; or comments such as " I have hardly seen you all week", followed by sniff, sniff, and head hung low.

Michael is a wonderful man who is very involved in my life and our kids lives. He does so much for me and for our family - but, as a result of work, and having three social, busy, and very active children - we are always busy, which makes time alone as a couple a rare thing around here.....and for a girl whose love language is time, I cant help myself but to whimper and whine a little when I am feeling neglected and in need of some of attention!

I just believe that time is the most priceless commodity that we have, and once it is spent, we can never get it back. How we spend that commodity, can impact our lives, and our marriage, in big and life changing ways.

Your challenge for today is to think of some ways that you and your husband can find some dedicated alone time to spend together. Make a list of things you used to do together, and check out opportunities to do some of those again.

If your husband has been unreceptive to your attempts for 'date-nights' or suggested activities or romantic getaways, my suggestion is to pray for God to soften his heart, and for God to help your husband see how important his time and attention is to you. Just as we take respect for our husbands for granted sometimes, husbands take for granted that we need to feel their physical touch, and spend time with them, so praying for our husbands hearts about this subject is always worthwhile.

If you have a great idea for couples to do together, from the most basic of activities to some suggestions, maybe you could share them with the rest of us. Or maybe you have a sweet tactic for how you got your husband to begin seeing the importance of spending time together, and how he came around to understand your point of view and your need for his time attention. If so, we are all ears!

Happy Saturday!

Marriage Challenge Day 5: Protect

Yes, the man is supposed to be the protector of his wife. Men are supposed to be protectors of us women, with their strong hands and overall manliness.

However, today, I want to talk about how we can protect our husband and our marriage at the same time, through protecting his honor. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres", which means to love with a love that protects.

To give a “protecting" type of love means to be very careful about who we share “personal” details of our married life with, especially the sharing of those areas of our relationships that need extra help and Godly counsel.

A man's reputation is a very important aspect of his being, and is what fuels his self esteem, giving him the confidence to be the big, strong protector that God called him to be, and that most of the time, we want him to be.

But what about those times when our men are not acting honorably? When their choices bring heartbreak, consequences, or strife in the marriage? When decisions they make negatively affect them, the marriage, and the rest of the family?

In times like those just mentioned, it is hard to think of honor, instead of revenge. And it is hard to honor someone whom you are losing, or have lost, respect for. However, it can be done, if we seek Gods strength, courage, and rely on Him to help us do what we dont feel like doing at all.

There have been countless times over the past twenty years where I desperately wished that I had a group of friends that I could tell all of my woes too. I have friends, of course, but I have just never felt comfortable spilling all of my problems and feelings onto the table for everyone to see and experience and judge.

But I have to admit, that in the heat of the moment, when my husband and I get into an argument, or when he does something that hurts me, I usually have those same 'tell-all' desires bubble up again every time. We women want to talk, talk, talk - it is how God made us!

So in those times of intense emotion, I immediately begin thinking about who I could call to vent and express my anger to. I kind of just want to talk to someone who can make me feel better, validate my feelings, and tell me that things will be okay.

Then I begin feeling sorry for myself that I dont feel as if I have anyone that I really want to share my most private feelings with, for fear of embarrassing my husband or myself. And even though my mother is my best friend, I dont normally tell her about the big issues either!

But as always, time heals, the argument ends, and in some cases, the issue that caused the situation seems much smaller, sometimes even silly, in retrospect.

Eventually my husband and I make up, hurt and anger subside or at least decreases, restoration occurs and life gets back to normal.

It is in that moment, that I am so thankful that I did not act on my desire to tell other people negative things about my husband, words that were said, mistakes that were made, or harsh feelings that I was holding in my heart.

Had I given in to my desires to share my anger and hurt with others as a way of dealing with my feelings or getting back at him, I would have dishonored him as a man, a husband, a provider, and a friend. I would have skewed the opinion that my friends or relatives have of him, and most likely, not remember to go back and tell them that we made up, and how we fixed things.

I would forget about the situation, and move on with life, while leaving those I vented to with a negative picture, and resentful feelings, about my man.

I think that it is the first inclination for most women, when we are hurt or disappointed in our husbands, to call someone and vent; to tell someone about the negative thing that happened; to hurt them back; to cause them harm and embarrassment; to dishonor them; to have someone validate our feelings and be on our side; and to have someone help mend our heartbreak, by joining in on the husband bashing party that we invited them to.

But in Proverbs 31:11-12, we read "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

This verse is such a stark reminder of how important it is that we not only build up our husbands for their good traits, but remember to protect and honor them, even when their bad traits come blaring out.

I believe that we can view this verse as Gods promise that a wife's efforts of forgiveness and self restraint will not go unrewarded, because a husband who has a wife who honors him, will eventually have full confidence in her love, and respect her as a person above any other he knows, because he cannot help but recognize that she does not bring him harm with her words.

Most women look to the Proverbs 31 woman as a role model they could never live up to, myself included. She represents the type of woman that we all want to be, but fall short of being every day, making that type of virtuousness seem like an impossibility in our own lives.

But one of the things that the Bible states is an important trait of a virtuous wife, is to have a husband that is respected.

Proverbs 31:23 says he is "known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land". Anyone, man or woman, has to earn respect from peers, but a woman can provide that respect through her commitment to pray for her husband and honor him in front of other people, and especially in front of their children.

I think the most applicable verse for this topic is Ephesians 4:29, which says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV)

This could be so easy for some of you, but the hardest thing in the world for others. Our ability to honor our husbands may hinge on the relationships we had with our own fathers, how much damage has occurred in the marriage, and many other extinuating circumstances. But regardless of how hard it may be, and how much prayer it make take, I do believe that God calls a wife to honor and respect her husband, and that when he feels honored, he will begin to act honorably.

Our challenge today is two fold:

1. Each time the opportunity arises to say something negative about your husband to someone else, pause, pray, and ask God to help you say something positive, or nothing at all. Ask him for strength to refrain from venting your anger, if that is what you normally do. Try to break the habit of dishonoring your husband to others, so that he will be well respected at the gate.

2. Each time the opportunity arises to criticize your husband to his face, ask God to help you think of something positive instead, or, to simply bite your tongue. Even if he deserves the criticism or a sarcastic response, it really only causes hurt and conflict to say it aloud. Sometimes, silence can be golden.

We cannot control our husbands reputation, his free will, or his decisions, but we can control our own tongues and thoughts. We can control the things that leave our mouths and whether or not we are honoring him with our words, in his presence, and when he is not around to defend himself.

Protecting our husband's reputations is one of the most valuable blessings that we can give to them. And consider this - God will give a man grace and forgiveness if he messes up, but the people whom we have spread negativity to about our husband, may not be so gracious and forgiving, and unlike God, they will never forget.

A wife has the power to help other people respect her husband, by the respect she gives him herself. Today is a great day for spreading some honor.

(PS if you do feel the need to talk with someone about problems in your marriage, which always helps a hurting heart, just be sure to pick someone you can trust, and someone that will become a prayer warrior for you, your husband and for your marriage. God gives us friends so that we do have people to support us, I am merely suggesting that we be cautious about sharing, versus bashing, and that we pick our friends very wisely. And if you need to get professional advice, consider contacting a Christian counselor or Pastor. )

Marriage Challenge Day 4: Provide

Todays challenge is about providing... but wait....isnt the man typically supposed to be the primary provider? Yes, of course, although there are times when the wife is the primary provider or makes more money than her husband, which is perfectly fine as well. However, today I am not talking about financial or physical provision, but about providing the intangible and heartfelt things that make our husbands feel loved and appreciated. The word 'provide' for todays purposes, are about providing for the heart, not for the home.

Lets take a brief interlude here, though, and say what you are all probably thinking right about now, on this fourth day of focusing on our husbands.... "But what about me? What about my needs? What about my feelings? What about my desires? Why is it all about me changing, and nothing about him changing? What about his faults? What about the problems that he has brought into our relationship, or the hurt he has caused me?"

I know! I have to keep trying to push those feelings aside too sometimes, especially as I am spending so much time right now focusing on marriage. My mind is guilty of drifting back to negative thoughts, reviewing my mental lists of his faults and mistakes, and thinking of ways that he needs to change.

Maybe you have some of those thoughts too, which is why I thought it was important to acknowledge that we all have them, and remind us not to be too hard on ourselves. No matter how much we desire to be a good wife, we are only human. In fact, if we didnt have some self focused tendencies, and have some past hurts bubble up, we would not be normal.

And that is exactly why Gods Word says to love and respect unconditionally, otherwise, it might be impossible to come up with our own motivation to do so, especially when heartache and bad memories seem t outweigh the desire to pamper a husband. That is exactly why God calls us to treat others the way we want to be treated, not the way we may actually be treated. But frankly, that can be a real challenge in any relationship - especially in marriage.

Day after day of the same old annoying, aggravating habits can take a toll on a relationship. Extreme betrayal and hurt feelings can take a toll on a relationship. Unforgiveness and anger can take a toll on a relationship.

So if we are not careful, we can become so consumed with what our husbands should be doing better or the things they have done to hurt us or neglect us, that bitterness and resentment can mount high - and these feelings certainly do not do much for keeping a marriage strong and healthy and happy.

As I began writing today about providing for our husband's every day needs, I recalled a blog post written by my sweet friend Renee Swope a few years ago (click on her name to read the entire post), which was called "Faith In The Little Things". Below is an excerpt from it:

Sometimes I saw my role as a wife and mother as "average" responsibilities - one-talent kind of assignments. Plenty of people have the same assignments, I thought. Without realizing it, I believed it wouldn't matter much if I were a little selfish, inconsiderate or impatient here and there. But God wanted my willingness in every area of my life - here and now.

Why would God require absolute obedience? Because He wants us to trust Him. He knows that when we're obedient with ordinary assignments we can be trusted with extraordinary assignments. He says when we are faithful with the little things, He'll "put us in charge of many things" and give us a deeper joy than we have ever known. (Matthew 25:21) Author Beth Moore reminds us that "the answers God gives us in our tomorrows often flow from our faithful todays."

I just thought Renee's comments were so perfect for todays topic, because so often, it is not the big things that prevent me from providing for my husbands needs, its all the little things.

Honestly, sometimes I get just plain tired of picking up socks and underwear off the floor, looking at the pile of clothes in the chair beside the bed, and wondering why I am the only person in the entire family who knows how to open the dishwasher, operate the washing machine, or take out the trash.

But I know I can change my attitude and my heart anytime, by focusing on the fact that God has placed me in the position of provider for needs, for my wonderful husband and for my sweet children. This is truly a position of honor and blessing, and one that God has called me to do in this season of my life.

When I begin to get resentful, I sometimes have to quickly remind myself to be thankful for all these little things that I have to be faithful in doing, even if they are not noticed or appreciated - because God has appionted wived to be the heart of the home, and a huge part of that is to meet needs, big and small, of those she loves.

Just think, it could be worse.... if I didnt have a husband, I wouldnt have dirty clothes in a chair; if I didnt have kids, I wouldnt have so many dishes; f I didnt have a home and money to buy groceries, I would never have to worry about cleaning or taking out the trash. And so on.

I would definitely not trade my husband or family for an easier, less-stressful or less clutter-filled day. These are the little things that God has called me to be faithful in, and I am eternally thankful for this blessing of being a provider.

Renee's post inspired me years ago to be faithful in meeting the every day needs of the husband whom God has placed in my life, and to consider him a blessing instead of a commitment. Now, trust me when I say that I do have my bad days at times (just ask my husband!), but generally I am better at keeping this positive mindset than I used to be.

Friends, your challenge today is to think of some little ways that you can show love for your husband, and provide for his need of wanting to be taken care of and doted on. I think one of the favorite ways my husband likes to be 'provided' for (no, its not what you are thinking, but we'll get to that later!) is making him breakfast on Saturday morning... .not just a warmed up chocolate pop-tart - but a big ham and cheese omelet, grits, country ham, and anything else that would fall into the category of a down home southern breakfast. It always makes him smile, and it makes me smile too.

So try to think of some ways to bring a smile to your husbands face when he walks in the door after a long day at work, or when he wakes up on a lazy saturday morning. Think of a few things that you know are important to him, and make an effort to do some of those things today and in the coming weeks. Consider ways that you can bless him, without feeling the need to be thanked for it.

And in your prayer time, ask God to help you be aware of what his needs may be, and to pick up subtle hints that he may give of what he wants and desires, especially if he is not the kind of man that shares his needs and feelings openly. Sometimes their basic or most common complaints can be clues to what their heart really longs for.

Okay friends, I am signing off for now - headed into the bedroom to put up a pile of clothes on the chair beside the bed. Maybe it will go unnoticed, but thats okay, because God blesses our faithfulness as we allow Him to work through us to meet the needs of others.


Matthew 7:12 Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God's Law and Prophets and this is what you get. (The Message)

Ephesians 4:32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (NLT)

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. (NIV)

Marriage Challenge Day 3: Perspective

I was overwhelmed with all the fabulous comments that all of you made yesterday about creative ways to encourage your man. I made a big long list of them to share with you today, but then decided it would be too lengthy - so I have posted them in a note on my Facebook page if you are interested in reviewing them and getting some new ideas to implement in your own marriage. Thanks everyone!

This was so fun, that I decided to draw two winners last night, instead of one, so.... drumroll please...
The winner of the stress CD and notecard set is: Melinda Brown
The winner of one stress CD is: from a blog called shutterhappyhope

So if one of these is you - send me an email with your mailing address. Congrats!
_____________________________________________________________________

In the first few years of our marriage, my husband and I had different ideas of what marriage was supposed to be like, and when those two worlds of thinking collided, friction resulted.

Although we had both accepted Christ as children, and grew up in Christian homes, neither of us had a very strong faith. In fact for the first years of our marriage, we went to church pretty irregularly. But when our first child was born, we sought out a church home, both of us knowing the importance of raising our children to love the Lord, even though we were not doing a very good job of doing it ourselves.

Even though we were not actively walking in faith each day, I still longed for a 'spiritual leader' in my home, and for years, I had a skewed vision in my heart of what that was .

Many women carry the wrong image of what a spiritual leader looks like, because we look to our pastors and elders of the church as our role models. We see deacons or other male leaders in the church and wish that our husbands were more like them. In the same way, I had that picture in my head of what a spiritual leader was.

I envisioned a man on his knees every morning, maybe even wearing a nice blue suit, with an open Bible, pouring over scriptures and treating everyone in his life with extreme compassion. I had a picture of a perfect husband, who never hurt his wife's feelings, never betrayed her trust, never made her feel neglected, and met each and every one of her expectations.

But one day, I heard something that shattered that mental picture completely.

I was listening to a speaker talk about marriage and faith. I listened intently about what God expected of men and women, and how we should fulfill our roles as spouses and parents. Then she began talking about the spiritual leader of the household and my ears perked up.

I was ready to have my opinions fully validated by this woman, whom I was sure shared my mental picture of mister perfect. I was fully prepared for her to even express some sympathy for those of us who did not have a spiritual leader in their homes.

However, what this speaker said was not what I expected to hear. She did not describe a spiritual leader of the home with the description that matched my mental picture. She did not describe any prince charmings on white horses. And she did not describe deacons in blue suits, pastors or Bible-toting elders.

She simply said, that a husband who is the spiritual leader of his home is one loves God, loves his wife, loves his family, and provides for their needs.

Hmmmm. Wait a minute. What about all that other stuff? What about what I want him to do? What about how I want him to be? What about my need for a Godly husband? What about praying, and knee bending, and bible toting?

Friends, God really stepped on my toes big time with that one. Ouch.

You see, until then, I had only been looking at the churchy-spiritual things that my husband was not doing. I had been focused on the 'Godly-man mold' in my head that he was not fitting into. I had been taking for granted the things that he did do that found favor in Gods eyes, because I was consumed with frustration about the things he was doing that God did not look favorably upon.

Certainly, he needed to strengthen his walk with the Lord, as did I. Certainly he needed to make some changes in his lifestyle, as did I. And certainly he was not living a life that was fully devoted to Christ, and nor was I.

But he was a good man. He loved me. He loved our children. He helped keep the nursery at church. He donated his time and money to people in need. He was a hard worker. He came home from work every night. He provided food, shelter, necessities, and more.

Not perfect, not without fault, not without mistakes, not without room for improvement in some areas - but nonetheless, a leader in our home.

God impressed upon my heart to try to see my husband through His eyes, instead of my own. He called me to see him for who he was, not who I wanted him to be.

I was not able to do that overnight and it took a while for me to embrace that new perspective. There are still days when God has to remind me about that. But after God placed that new mental picture into my head of what a spiritual leader was, I have never forgotten it.

It is probably safe to say that it is the deepest desire of every Christian woman's heart, to have a husband who loves and serves the Lord, and who lives each day as a portrayal of a Godly man, basing all of his decisions on whether or not God would approve. I know that has always been my hearts desire, and it is probably yours too.

I still pray daily for the Lord to draw my husband closer to Him, and to orchestrate things in his life and in his heart that will continue to make him love the Lord more and more. I pray for his faith, and his courage to live out his faith, especially in the face of temptation and important decisions. I pray for him to have the confidence to pray with me, and our children, and for our faith to grow as a family unit.

And many of those prayers have already been answered. The faith of my husband, along with my own, has come a long way in the past few years. In fact, my man was recently elected to serve as a Deacon in our church, and you can just imagine that I was one proud wife!

I feel very blessed to have a believing husband, but I recognize that not every woman has that. In fact, I have some close friends whose husbands are not believers, and it breaks my heart to see the turmoil in their hearts of knowing that their spouses do not know Jesus.

However, spiritual leadership has to begin somewhere, and if your husband is providing for your physical and financial needs, and loves you and your family, then he is halfway there when it comes to meeting Gods expectations of him.

Maybe he does not outwardly express his faith or do some of the churchy-spiritual things we would like, but if he is a believer, and he provides and loves, he is the spiritual leader of your home.

If your husband is not a believer, never give up hope that God can open his eyes and orchestrate events in his life that will help him begin to thirst for a relationsihp with the Lord. The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:1b, "...if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

Maybe you have spent years praying for your husbands heart, with no signs of him coming around yet. Dont lose faith that God can reach him, and that through your continued prayers, God will help him have the desire to strive to be more, by watching the way you live your life.

Never underestimate the power that a praying wife can have on her husbands heart.

When my husband learned several months ago that he had been nominated to be a Deacon at our church, he prayed about it, and wanted to be sure that was what God was calling him to do, and he also asked for my opinion.

I confided in him that I had been praying hard for years, for God to call him into a position of spiritual leadership and deeper faith. A few weeks later, I heard him telling some other men to watch out for what their wives were praying for, because God listens and you never know what will happen when a wife prays. I thought that was priceless!

Your challenge today is to ask God to help you see your husband through HIS eyes. To look at him with the expectations of what God expects of a spiritual leader, and not the mental picture we may have in our head. To not compare him to other husbands who we think are more spiritual, but to pray for God to move in our husbands heart so that he can begin to embrace his role as spiritual leader, as well as physical leader. To keep praying for his heart if he is not a believer, and trusting that God is working on his heart in ways you cannot see yet.

Also, seek out the Holy Spirit's guidance in seeing the little ways that God is changing your husbands heart, instead of only focusing on the outward, more noticeable changes in behavior or actions. God may be at work, in little ways, that eventually turn into big ways, and it will be well worth the wait.

When a wife prays, God listens, a mans heart can change, and great things can happen. Lets change our perspectives today about the most important men in our life, and "see" what happens. Smiles.

Marriage Challenge Day 2: Promote

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** Information about todays P31 Blog Carnival is at the bottom of this post! Dont miss out on some really awesome giveaways at most of the Proverbs 31 blogs today! **

My Proverbs 31 devotion from February 11th, which launched this 14 day Marriage Challenge, primarily talked about the influence that our words have on our husbands.

I once read that marriage is not 50/50 as the old saying goes, but instead it is really 100/100! What a profound statement, because if you think about it, regardless of what we are trying to work at, if we only offer 50% of our efforts, the outcome is not going to be what we had hoped for. If we only give half of our efforts, how can we expect a complete result?

In the book I mentioned in last week's devotion, The Man Whisperer, Rick talks a great deal about this subject of the influence our words have on our husbands.

I think that most of us would admit that if there are changes that we desire in our husbands, it is probably because we genuinely want them to be the best they can be. But regardless of the reason we may want them to change, the truth remains that there is really no way to change them - only God can truly do that.

However - we can give him a reason to change himself, by focusing on what is good, instead of just trying to fix all that is wrong. When we fail to do that, the door is opened for Satan to creep in and begin taking his toll on the relationship. I have fallen prey to that trap myself, and maybe you have as well.

The goal, through prayer and selfless intention, should be to subtly guide and build up a husband so that he can become the man God intended for him to be, and the husband that we long for; to help a man recognize his own self worth, by seeing himself through the adoration of his wife.

The truth is that men have to desire to change, before they will work towards changing....but the good news, is that women can motivate their men to want to change, through using tools of love, respect and admiration, but the key is remembering to say those words when we feel them.

My husband is a General Contractor by trade, and with the economy the way it is, there are barely any buildings out there to contract to build. This lack of work has nothing to do with my husbands ability as a contractor, but when business is bad, he takes the blame on himself, which is what most men do, since they are built with an innate desire to be good providers.

I have told Michael several times in the past few months that he has always been a great contractor, and always will be, regardless of how business is going. I want him to know that I respect his career, his ability, his talents, his skills, and his provision for our family. I want him to know that I still admire him and what God has gifted him to do, even when things are looking grim.

This is just one small example, and I could list many things to compliment my husband about... the trick is, whether or not I actually do it. There have been days when I have been away from Michael, and thinking such fond thoughts of him, such as how much I love him and how glad I am to be his wife, but then when he got home from work, I never mentioned those things, and instead fussed about something not done to my liking.

Why didn't I just share all those loving thoughts with him, instead of voicing the negative or neutral thoughts? The culprit is simply a habit - a habit that needs breaking. I have heard it takes 21 days for a new habit to form; for it to become second nature to us, instead of something we have to focus on doing. Each one of us is in a habit with our words - a habit of tearing down, or a habit of building up. It is our choice.

The challenge for today is to let your man know how worthy of your love he really is. For some, this might be an easy task, but for others it might take some long hard thinking to come up with why he deserves your love. If you cant think of anything, then pray about it. Ask God to prick your memory or bring something to mind that you do admire about your husband, especially if lots of ugly things are coming to mind first.

Make a list of positive things about your husband, and then pick one or two of those things to compliment him about today. Pray for God to give you an opportunity to compliment him, and then if you have not done so in a long time and it seems awkward, ask God to put the words on your lips, and to soften your husbands heart to be receptive.

Last week, a reader sent me a private email thanking me for the devotion, but also sharing a personal story. She stated that her husband was not an emotional or affectionate man, and that their relationship was strained. She was hesitant to try to compliment him, because she did not think he would be responsive or appreciative. But she stated that as soon as she spoke those words of encouragement to him, he "melted like a marshmallow". I just loved that analogy!

I am not saying that all men are like marshmallows, but all men do need encouragement, and need to believe that they are respected and admired. We might be surprised at the response a few sweet words can elicit, and maybe see a side of our husbands that we have not seen before.

Hebrews 10:24 says "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds" - a perfect verse for todays challenge.

Many of you mentioned in your comments last week that building up your husband with your words is an area that you needed to work on. So ladies, we are going to put our words to the test!

I will be praying for all of you! Now read below to find out how you can enter to win some really valuable giveaways from the Proverbs 31 family! Click on each link to find out how to enter on the different sites, and good luck! :)

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My giveaway today is an audio CD of one of my speaking sessions, called "Overcoming Stress With Extraordinary Faith", and a cool decorative Christian notepad and pen set. To enter to win, please post a comment stating one special way you could encourage, or have encouraged your man recently, with your words.

Wendy Blight is giving away a copy of the One Year Chronological Bible and her book Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner: The Transforming Power of God's Story.

Shari Braendel is giving away 3 beautiful jewelry pieces to begin a spring wardrobe with! One for a Glamour Girl, one for a Movie Star and one for a Rock Star!

Micca Campbell is giving away her book An Untroubled Heart, and a cute clutch purse for those fun summer evenings!

Whitney Capps is giving away a $30 Francesca's Gift card, redeemable at www.francescascollections.com


Melanie Chitwood is giving away One marriage conference call (see her blog for details) and a copy of her new book What a Wife Needs from Her Husband.

Lynn Cowell is giving away a prize for mom and a prize for a teen girl in her life - the 3 book series B.A.B.E. series by Andrea Stephens (Beautiful, Accepted, Blessed, Eternally Significant) for the teen and for Mom a $10 gift card to Starbucks along with Lynn's CD "Building a Bridge to Your Child's Heart".


Karen Ehman is giving away a Winter White Basket that includes Skin Milk body wash, a white loofah, Winter White Citrus Bath & Body Works products, white lily linen and room sprays, white hot cocoa, a white mug and white-chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Along with it, a copy of her book on celebrations entitled Homespun Memories for the Heart: More Than 200 Ideas to Make Unforgettable Moments.

Suzie Eller is giving away a webcam!

Zoe Elmore is giving away a journal, a copy of My Heart's Cry by Anne Graham Lotz and a piece of jewelry Zoe style!

Charlene Kidd is giving away a $20.00 Starbucks Gift Card and a copy of Karen Ehman's book: A Life That Says Welcome, Simple Ways to Open Your Heart and Home to Others.

Rachel Olsen is giving away Bread for Life: a hardback copy of The Daily Message: Through the Bible in One Year by Eugene Peterson (which you can read this along with her this year) and the Williams-Sonoma Muffins cookbook.

Wendy Pope is giving away a copy of her book Out of the Mouths of Babes and her CD Yes, No, and Maybe of a Balanced Life

Luann Prater & www.EncouragementCafe.com are giving away an Encouragement Cafe mug and t-shirt at both sites!

LeAnn Rice is giving away a copy of her cookbook Sharing Grace: Recipes- Family Traditions-Gift ideas and a Starbucks gift card.

Susanne Scheppmann is giving away her Birds in My Mustard Tree Bible Study with an I-tunes gift card.

Renee Swope giving away Lysa TerKeurst's "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl" 6 week DVD set and a copy of Renee's message "Living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt" on DVD.

Lysa TerKeurst is giving away a Mom's Book Club gift pack including 4 copies of Lysa's new book, Am I Messing Up My Kids? and a 30-minute Q&A conference call with Lysa.

Van Walton is giving away her DVD for children - From the Pound to the Palace

Glynnis Whitwer is giving away her book work@home: A Practical Guide for Woman Who Want to Work from Home and a French Country Wire Silverware Basket

She Reads is giving away two novels, Watch Over Me by Christa Parrish and Screen Play by Chris Coppernoll, and chocolate, courtesy of the authors. They will tell the story of how their writing brought them together - a love story, quite literally, fit for a novel!

RadRevolution The Proverbs 31 ministry site for teen girls is giving away a copy of book called Do the Hard Thing along, with a RadRev t-shirt!