Marriage Challenge Day 1: Prayer

The two randomly drawn winners of the audio CD's by Rick Johnson are:

Power Tools for Women: Cindy Price Starnes
Speaking Your Mans Language: Kara Yagelowich Hughes

Congrats ladies! Please email me your mailing address and I will get these sent out to you immediately. For those who didnt win, check back tomorrow for another opportunity to win something!

(Check out Lysa Terkeurst's blog today - she shares a powerful short video entitled "I dont love my husband anymore"). Might be the perfect message today that someone needs to hear.

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About ten years ago, God sent me a present. No, it did not come in the mail or fall out of the sky, but I have no doubt that it was a gift straight from heaven. Let me explain.

Back when my children were much younger, my husband and I were going through a really rough time. The stress of jobs, small kids, finances, and relationship problems had become overwhelming and emotionally taxing.

After yet another heated argument, I found myself feeling so disheartened, that I hardly knew what to do. Strange as it may sound, I decided to go to the car wash (which I do not do very often, so the fact that God nudged me to get the car washed was a miracle in itself!).

As I drove towards the Auto Bell, I could no longer hold back the tears. I thought I had tried everything possible to improve our marriage and felt emotionally worn out from worrying about our relationship.

I arrived to my destination, handed over my car, paid my bill, and proceeded to take a seat in the empty waiting room. I sat there, all alone, feeling low in spirit and clueless about how to be a good wife and what needed to be done to fix my marriage. I began pleading with God to show me a sign, to give me an answer to my concerns; to tell me what I needed to do to make things better between me and my husband.

As I sat there trying not to cry, consumed with my thoughts, I happened to glance down at the dirty, beaten up old table beside me......and laying on the table was the book called "The Power Of A Praying Wife", by Stormie Omartian.

My heart not only skipped a beat, I think it skipped a few beats. I thought "Wow! God sent me a book!"

I burst into tears in gratitude and thankfulness, praising God for sending me the "sign" that I had asked for. I believe with all my heart that God had divinely ordained for someone to leave that exact book, in that exact car wash waiting room, on the exact day that I would choose to get my car washed for the first time in many, many months. He arranged for me to find that book, just moments after I had surrendered to Him, and pleaded for His intervention.

I eagerly drove home in my unusually clean car, plopped myself onto the couch, and opened the pages of the book, only to have my breath taken away again - to my surprise, Stormie's husband's name was Michael - my husband's name was Michael! Almost a bit creepy huh? But a wonderful supernatural-surprise-which-gives-you-chill-bumps kind of creepy!

God had sent me a tangible answer to prayer with the gift of that book. An answered prayer that I could hold in my hand and gain wisdom and strength from. An answer that I knew only He could have ordained. An answer that I could tuck safely away, and pull out to hold each time I needed some reassurance of His love and concern for me.

God made it crystal clear, that the one vital thing my marriage had been missing, was prayer FOR my husband, not about him.

As I read through the first few pages of the book, I was acutely aware that the words on the pages could have easily been written by me. The raw feelings the author expressed were so close to my own thoughts and feelings, that I hardly knew how to process it all, and with each page, God spoke truth and healing into my wounded heart.

From that day forward, I made a commitment to pray for my husband, even when I didn't feel like it, even when I didnt want to, even if I didnt think he deserved those prayers. To pray for him when things were going great between us, and to pray for him when things were not so great. To pray for his work, financial decisions, sexuality, affection, temptations, fears, purpose, choices, health, protection, trials, integrity, reputation, priorities, relationships, fatherhood, attitude, emotions, deliverance, and faith (many of the chapters reviewed in the book).

I also made a commitment to stop asking God to fix my husband's flaws, and start asking Him to open my eyes to what I could fix about myself that would improve our relationship. Yes, that was hard, and took some humility to admit that I was not without fault too, and to be honest, it is a prayer I find myself continually praying even to this day. It can be hard, but sometimes, the things that bring the most blessings, can be the some of the hardest things that God calls us to do.

Stormie Omartian says this on page 14 of her book: "A husband can hurt your feelings, be inconsiderate, uncaring, abusive, irritating and negligent. He can say or do things that pierce your heart like a sliver. And every time you start to pray for him, you find the sliver festering. Its obvious you cant give yourself to praying the way God wants you to until you are rid of it."

She goes on to say that sometimes our marriages get to such a point of hurt and despair that we feel emotionally paralyzed and incapable of making good decisions - which is what ultimately leads to divorce, and that when we are in the middle of an unfulfilling relationship, divorce seems almost like a "promise of pleasant relief".

That is a powerful statement, and one that I think will resonate with many of you, based on the numerous comments that were left last week, which spoke of utter despair, frustration, hopelessness, loneliness, and the absolute exhaustion of trying to make your marriage relationship better. I understand those feelings, because I have been there.... but there is hope.

On this particular day, in a damp, smelly car wash, that hope was dropped in my lap, through this precious book that God gave had arranged for me to have.

After that day, I began to pray for my marriage like I had never done before. And just like Stormie states she had to do, I also had to confess my own hardness of heart each time, and ask God for the strength to put aside my feelings, and focus on Him. I had to learn to forgive. I had to learn to pray for my husband, and admit that not praying for him, was not getting us anywhere. I had to lay my marriage at His feet, and let go.

Slowly, but surely, I began to see changes. I began to see God work in our relationship. And, on May 26th, Michael and I will celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. We still have bumps in the road, and problems that call for deeper prayer and dependence on God at times, but I truly believe that it was my commitment to begin praying for my husband that has made all the difference in the world.

Is our life a peaceful harmonic melody all the time? Absolutely not. We are definitely not perfect. We argue and squabble over silly and important things. We disagree about how to spend money, how to raise the kids, and who has not done enough around the house lately. But no matter what we are going through, I know I can take it to the Lord. I know He will hear my prayers. I know I can trust Him to help us work through any issue, big or small.

You see, a wife's prayers are powerful. It may take a few weeks, months or years to see the full impact of your prayers, but the prayers of a wife for her husband have power. John 15:7 says, "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." If you desire a loving and committed marriage, God can help you reach you and your husband reach that goal.

So, to begin this challenge, I want to challenge you to pray for your husband, today, and every day for the next thirteen days. Hopefully, regardless of how hard or awkward it may feel at first, you will begin a new habit which you can continue to do every day for years to come.

If your marriage is going great right now, then pray for your husband. If your marriage is on the rocks, then pray for your husband. If your marriage is all but over, then pray for your husband. If you are getting married soon, then pray for your husband-to-be. Even if the problems you are experiencing in your marriage, if any, are not your fault at all, praying is still the first step towards positive change. And while you are praying, BELIEVE that God hears your prayers, and that He will begin to bless you.

I feel confident that you will begin to see God blessing you, as you spend time in His presence every day, and eventually, you will see Him blessing your marriage as well.

Stormie ends the first chapter of her book by sharing a profound statement, that says "It's your responsibility to pray. It's Gods job to answer. Leave it (your marriage) in His hands." When we surrender, only then can God take control.
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If you are interested in purchasing The Power of A Praying Wife, click on the book title to get it through Amazon (not available through P31 right now). I would strongly encourage every woman to get this book. It is a powerful, life changing, marriage transforming, prayer building book.

Stormie also has a new book out, which I have not read yet but assume it is just as great, titled The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage.

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**Tomorrow, Proverbs 31 is hosting a Blog Carnival on all of the speaker team blogs and ministry blogs! Each blog will highlight a specific topic and give away a cool item to one lucky winner. I will be giving away one my audio CD's called "Overcoming Stress with Extraordinary Faith" (since marriage can be stressful!), along with a Christian Notepad and pens. So be sure to come back tomorrow to find out how to enter!

Prepare for the Challenge

I have to say, that I stand in amazement at the response to yesterdays Proverbs 31 devotion titled Love, Respect and Admiration. Wow! I have been so touched by each and every comment, and I have over 200 new Facebook friends. How fun! Plus, The Man Whisperer has been flying off the shelves!

What became crystal clear to me yesterday, through the hundreds of blog comments, Facebook messages, and emails that I received, is that we all struggle with marriage. Regardless of age, or how many years one has been married, our relationships with our husbands are a priority in our lives, and when things are not going smoothly, or hurts have run deep, it becomes hard to maintain that joy that we have in Christ.

So many times, women keep their marriage problems hidden inside their hearts, fearing what other people will think if they found out. But what a tragedy that is, when so many women are hurting, and desperately needing a shoulder to lean on and someone to pray for them.

That is why I am so excited that hundreds of you have committed to walking through this 14 day Encouragement Challenge with me, because, lets face it, marriage is hard work!

I want you each to think about when you first met your husband. Try to recall the feelings that you held in your heart, and the tingles that spread through your body whenever he called you, kissed you, or did something super sweet. Then reflect on your wedding day, and consider all of the thoughts that were running through your mind on that very special day.

I bet you would agree that, as you stood in your beautiful wedding gown, staring into the eyes of your soon-to-be-husband, saying vows meant to last a lifetime, that you were not thinking about things such as: boxer underwear on the floor in the bathroom every day, razor stubble, nights out with the guys, secrets, dirty dishes, dirty floors, diapers, snotty noses, long hours at the office, arguments and disagreements, and restless nights of trying to keep pillows strategically placed in the center of the bed so that your man cannot get anywhere near you - am I right?!

A couple years ago I was sitting in a hair salon getting my hair cut, and a young girl in the chair beside me, who looked to be in her early twenties, spent thirty minutes excitedly talking about her wedding.

Oh yes, she had everything picked out. She explained to her hairdresser, in great detail I might add, what her wedding dress looked like, the color and style of the bridesmaids dresses, what the groomsmen were wearing, the flowers, the cake, the music, etc.

None of this seemed out of the ordinary for a bride-to-be, filled with excitement and anticipation about the most special day of her life. Until I heard her exclaim as she was leaving the salon, that as soon as she could find a man to marry her, everything would be perfect.

You see, she had spent months, maybe years, planning for the wedding, but had given little, if any, thought to the reality of actually being married.

She was oblivious to the fact that marriage is a life time commitment, not one fairy tale day, and unfortunately, I believe that many brides set out in their new marriages with the same misconception.

As a glowing bride, we are in love, we have overlooked our fiances faults, we envision a life of bliss and mutual happiness, and look forward to our spouse meeting all of our needs while we pour our love upon him every day....only soon to discover that marriage is nothing like we expected. Not to say that there are not wonderful, happy and fulfilling days in marriage, but when we expect all of our needs to be met by our husbands, and fail to acknowedge that problems will arise, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Trust me friend, I speak from experience.

God is the only one who can fill that spot in our hearts that feels empty, needy and alone, especially when we are not getting the affection or love from our husbands that we so desire. God is the only One who can help us find peace, in the middle of a storm. God is the only Way to to persevere, when we feel like quitting. In fact, His instruction and guidelines for marriage, are so priceless, that without them, we would be surely lost from day one.

Sisters, whether your marriage is going along great, feeling a little stale, or you are on the brink of divorce, my prayer is that God will work miracles in the hearts of each one of you, and in my own heart as I seek Gods wisdom in the challenges to set forth for you in the coming weeks. I will also try to provide several different marriage books and websites that would be great resources for you to check out.

I am not a marriage expert, I am not a marriage counselor, I am not Christian advisor, I am not a perfect wife, I do not have a perfect husband, or a perfect marriage - but I do love the Lord, and my husband, and I believe with all my heart that God desires to see each one of us enjoy the joy and love that marriage is intended to bring, and that no matter what the problems are, our God is bigger and ALL things are possible with Him.

This journey must begin with the understanding that God has to come first in our lives, and that when we turn things over to Him and do things His way, our marriages are in much better hands.

The first daily challenge will be posted on Monday, February 15, along with the winners of the two CD's from Rick Johnson.

Over the weekend, I encourage you to pray about what God will speak to your spirit in the coming weeks, and to prepare your heart to hear His voice, and see Him at work in you, your husband, and your marriage. Pray for humility if God steps on your toes, courage to walk in love, and grace for when you try and stumble.

We are all in the same boat friends, I am actually getting a little nervous about this challenge myself!

Have a wonderful weekend, and a Happy Valentines Day.....and "see" you on Monday!

Building Up Your Man and Your Marriage

Welcome to my blog! I am so glad you stopped by today!

My Proverbs 31 devotion that is running today, which is also on Crosswalk, is about giving our husbands the gifts they most desire - love, respect and admiration. (At the end of this post, you can find out how you can enter to win one of two powerful audio sessions for women, recorded at one of Rick Johnsons speaking sessions, the author of The Man Whisperer.)

Now I know what some of you may be thinking.... "But my husband does not deserve my respect and admiration, much less my love!" .... "If you knew what he did last week, you would understand why I dont respect him" ..... "He never fulfills my needs, so why should I bother fulfilling his" .... and so on.

We all know that there is no such thing as the perfect husband. And at times, husbands are guilty of doing things that undermine their credibility and make it hard to respect them, their decisions or their actions. Unfortunately this happens in most marriages, because, well, we are all sinners, saved only by grace. But ladies, if we are honest with ourselves, we will have to admit that we are not perfect either. :)

But after a lot of prayer and studying what Gods Word has to say about marriage, I have come to understand and accept that respect is something that God calls a wife to give to her husband, unconditionally, regardless of whether or not she thinks he deserves it. (note: there is no excuse or justification for any husband to inflict physical, emotional, or mental abuse on his wife - if you are in a situation such as this, please consider contacting a local support agency or Christian counselor).

In my devotion today, I referred to the book The Man Whisperer.

As I read through each chapter, I caught little glimpses of myself, my husband and our marriage. I began to recognize how drastically God made men from women, how different our needs are, and also how He uniquely made us to complement each other as well.

I began to ponder the fact that when I agreed "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live", I made a commitment not only to my husband, but to my God, and that I needed to stop expecting my husband to meet all of my standards, and love him with the same love that brought us together.

For most women, if asked to name three things they want to change about their husbands, they could probably rattle off their list within seconds (myself included!). Maybe those desires for change are as simple as wishing he would pick up his socks and take out the trash more, or maybe those desires are to see changes in behavior problems, or breaking free from addictions.

Regardless of the simplicity or seriousness of the things we dont like about our husbands, many women resort to insults as a tool to try to motivate them to change, thinking that will cause them to change their behavior. But unfortunately, all it really does, is tear down the relationship.

I came across a quote recently that said, "The most damaging problems are not solved by correcting behavior. They must be solved by a change of character, a change of morality, a change of heart." This reiterates the fact that all the disrespect in the world cant change a mans heart, but with God, ALL things are possible.

Your husband needs to be respected for who he is, not for what he does. Without respect, he simply cannot thrive, or survive, because respect is too great a need for a man to only receive based on performance.

Proverbs 14:1 says "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."

Ladies, lets remember this one important truth - if our emotions control our words, our words will control our marriage, instead of our love. Instead of waiting to feel like your husband deserves your respect, go ahead and start showing him that respect, while praying for him daily, and then watch for evidence of what God is doing in him, in your marriage relationship, and also, in your own heart.

We have an important choice to make every day. We can build up the men in our lives, or tear them down, while knowing that as we are tearing down the man, we are simultaneously tearing down the house, and maybe even the family, as a result.

Sometimes respect is the absolute hardest gift to give. Things have happened. Feelings have been hurt. Trust has been betrayed. Fears have become reality. But ALL things are possible with God. I have seen God work in my marriage, and He is eager to do the same for you.

So.... I want to invite you to embark on a two week encouragement journey with me, if you are up for it!

For the next 14 days, I will post a new challenge for the day, to help you become a husband encourager, a wife who respects her man, and a woman who trusts that the Lord desires for her to be happy with the man that God paired her up with.

Believe me when I say, I will be working through this challenge right along with you, and I hope we can encourage each other with our comments, transparency, and friendship.

If you have a true desire to intentionally respect your husband, and you desire in your heart to work towards having a stronger marriage through depending on Gods Word and promises, then simply post a comment that says "I'm in!". What better time to pledge to love on our husbands and improve our marriages, than Valentines Day - the holiday for love!

OKAY - NOW FOR THE CONTEST:

There are two awesome audio CD's up for grabs:

Power Tools for Women: Positive Tools for Influencing Your man




Speaking Your Man's Language: Ten Keys to Successful Communication with Your Man

Entering to win is easy - simply click on my Facebook tab on the left sidebar of this screen, and friend-request me! If you are already my friend, just leave a comment on my Facebook post for today. If you do not have a Facebook page, you can look me up on Twitter and click to follow me, or just post a comment here that you have neither of these, but still want to enter to win!!

Easy enough huh? From all the great new friends that I meet this week, I will put all the names in a hat and draw out the names of two winners.

Winner will be announced on Monday! Good luck!

PS Come back tomorrow to kick off the first encouragement challenge!

Is God too busy to care about me?

Have you ever wondered if God was really listening to you, or if He was really paying attention to what was going on in your life?

I admit there have been times in my life, when I wondered if God was even aware of what was going on down here on earth, in a little suburb of a big city, with little ol me, and my little ol life.

I have sometimes wondered why He was allowing me to have to deal with difficult problems, or why he was allowing people I loved to make unwise choices, be treated wrongly, or have bodies cursed with disease.

I have found my thoughts wondering to places of doubt, like maybe God was just too busy running the rest of the universe to be fully engaged in what was going on in my life. Or maybe life was just a game, with God holding all the cards, but just not following the rules that we thought He should follow. Maybe I should just holler out "NO FAIR GOD!". Yep, maybe that would get His attention. Hee Hee.

The truth is, that despite our faith, when we spend time taking inventory of all the things that are not perfect in our life, or that seem unfair, we can start to wonder if God is simply too busy to care about the little things. We wonder if He really is up there, looking down here.

But, just maybe, in all His sovereignty, He knows that we do not need all the answers right now, and will only give us clarity when His timing is right.............and for a girl like me, who likes to have all her ducks in a row, know all she needs to know, have everything organized, and be able to set a goal and work towards it until completion - I am not a happy camper when I am left feeling confused, doubtful, and helpless about Gods plans for my life.

Those are the times, when confusion and despair begin seeping in my heart, that I really seek solace in Deuteronomy 29:29, which is a verse that reminds me that I am not supposed to understand everything, and God has my life under control.

Deuteronomy 29:29 says "The Lord our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us, so that we may obey all the terms of these instructions." (NLT)

Even though we may not understand why God is allowing problems to be present in our lives, why He is not protecting us from certain things, why He is not making our dreams become realities, or why He is taking too long to answer our prayers, our job as a believer is simply to trust and obey, and to follow the guidelines for faith and life that are outlined for us in His Word. We are only held accountable to trust and follow what God has revealed to us, and leave the rest up to Him.

We are not meant to understand everything, any more than the prophets who lived in biblical times and walked closely with God. Lets take Paul for example, when he was preaching to people who were being rejected, persecuted and suffering just because they were Christians. Paul wanted them to know that God cared about them, because He cares for all His children. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

What an awesome truth that verse reminds us about - that we are each so precious in Gods eyes, that He cares about every aspect of our lives, even the tiniest of things that may be causing us anxiety.

"He cares for you". Four little words, with one huge meaning - He knows each and every one of us, and He cares. In fact, He knows us so well and so personally that He even knows how many hairs we have on our head, as we are told in Matthew 10:30.

I am sure you agree, that if someone knows you well enough to know how much hair you have, they definitely know you pretty well! Sometimes I shudder to think that God actually knows every detail about me, my thoughts, my past, and my future - but what a blessing to have someone who knows us so well, yet STILL loves us anyway! And if He loves us that much, just imagine how concerned He is about our issues, trials and needs. He truly does care about little ol us.

As we become focused on the problems in our lives, instead of the One who can solve our problems, we can quickly, although inadvertently, forget how magnificent, great, mighty and sovereign God really is.

God sent His son Jesus so that we could have victory, in life and after life.

This victory is available to all those who believe in Him, but to claim that victory, we have to be willing to let Him hold the cards of our lives, and deal them out according to His plan. Sometimes we get a good card, sometimes not - but each card is one that God has ordained, and through our trust in Him, He will show us how much He cares.

The day football and faith collide

Are you excited about the Super Bowl? I think everyone is, regardless of whether or not they are big fans of either of the two teams playing. The game and the half time entertainment are always fun to watch and definitely a great excuse to get together with friends. The other fun thing to watch is the commercials, of course, and this year I will be watching for one in particular.

My focus over the past few weeks has not been on the football game so much, as the Tim Tebow ad. I have been praying for him and his family and for the amazing pro-life message that he has taped to air during the Super Bowl, that is being attacked mercilessly by pro-choice groups such as NOW (National Organization for Women)

Today I not only heard more about this, but also about about the nomination of Dawn Johnsen to serve as Assistant Attorney General for the Office of Legal Counsel - meaning she will be responsible for deciding what is constitutional, and what is not.

In case you dont know who Dawn is, I'll give you some background information, excerpted from www.sba-list.org.

In 1988, attorney Dawn Johnsen argued that the Catholic Bishops needed to choose between either having the Catholic Church stripped of its tax-exempt status as a religious organization or keeping their opposition to abortion to themselves. The Catholic Bishops defeated Dawn Johnsen in the Supreme Court Case United States Catholic Conference v. Abortion Rights Mobilization.

After the case was concluded, Dawn Johnsen was rewarded for her legal work on the case by being granted the position of legal director of the National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL), where she worked from 1988 – 1993. Now, President Barack Obama has re-nominated her to head up the Office of Legal Counsel and is pushing for the Senate to ratify her nomination this week.

Her radical views and statements on “abortion rights” are notorious:
-- Choosing life for a child is comparable to “involuntary servitude”
-- Pro-life activists use the “intimidation carried out by the Ku Klux Klan"
-- Being pregnant turns mothers into “fetal containers”
-- Conceiving a child is analogous to “being struck by drunk drivers”
-- Pro-abortion leaders should never portray “abortions as tragedies”

Just these few comments above are so appalling to me, that I can barely read them, much less comprehend how anyone could believe them to be true. For several reasons, God has instilled in my heart a great passion for promoting pro-life and for being a mouthpiece to support one of the most important things that matters to our Lord and Savior - life.

The mere thought of someone who is so anti-life and such an advocate of abortion being in a position of decision-making authority over our country and the life of future generations, is extremely heart wrenching for me. How sad it is that because pro-choice advocates had their voice heard so many years ago, that they are now trying to adamantly squelch the voice of those who still value life.

If God has pricked your heart about this situation, and if you are a pro-life supporter, will you join forces with me in support of Tim Tebow, and the value of life? I have already sent letters to our senators and government officials. It only takes a few minutes. Your voice matters, and a choir of voices can save countless lives. If Gods people dont stand up for what is right, who will? As of this past Monday, over 50,000 people made their voices heard, and every single one counts.

If you want to support Tim and his family, and their courage to stand up for the tiniest ones who dont have a voice yet, please visit the websites below:

Email your US Senators

Block Hard for Tim Tebow

Article about NOW - why are they so scared for this ad to run?

But what can I do?

Good morning friends!

I know that each of you have heard the bad news, and seen the horrific images, of the devastation in Haiti. It has touched all of our hearts and prompted millions to pray, and some people have even donated their time and money. But not everyone can go to Haiti, get involved in local missions, or send money. So what more can those of us who fall into that category do to help these people, other than pray for them?

When the earthquake hit Haiti, Compassion had a team on the ground within 24 hours. They were providing emergency relief and preparing to help rebuild. And because I so strongly support the work of the Compassion and their mission to rescue children from poverty, in the name of Jesus, I posted a blog post called Compassion for Haiti, offering information about ways to help Compassion meet the overwhelming need, and these options are still available if you are interested.

But today, the She Seeks division of Proverbs 31 has a really cool way that you can help Compassion, without costing a lot of time or money that you may have not available. They are hosting a Speak Up Challenge, and I would love for you to join them.

God calls each of us to be the hands and feet of Jesus. He calls us to serve the least of these. He calls us to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

So if you have been wanting to help the people of Haiti, but not sure what you had to offer, visit the She Seeks site today and find out what it is all about.

I promise you will be blessed!